I have a friend who steps on my toes sometimes and I have to call her into account. I'm sure I step on hers too. And we've been friends for 26 years now! She's more impulsive than me -- I'm plan ahead type.
You don't have to "lose a friend" just because you remind them you have limits/boundaries/personality differences. That's part of why my friend and I continue to remain friends for this long. We each know that in the friendship there will be some "calling into account" times that will be dealt with respectfully should those times pop up. Firm, but kind. There. Done. Back into right relationship.
To have those kinds of moments NEVER pop up would be really odd expectation for the friendship to me. Good to hear that genebean is thinking about seeking a clarify for herself. That's good. That takes care of (genebean + friend) layer of relationship.
You are right. The lesbian friend could be carried away with the crush on GF and may not be speaking from a place of ill will or malice -- just... gushy gushy stuff? Which could be fine if that is the why behind all this, but genebean could say something to the effect of "please express that in appropriate ways without dissing my orientation or my partner. I see it was not an intentional ding, but it was not particularly thoughtful either."
I could see where it could feel annoying but going to extremes before finding out intent seems premature. YKWIM? Unless this friend is more like "friend" and chronically trespassing, there's no need to do a friend break up over someone crushing on her so hard they get all gushy and color outside the lines a bit. Just... enjoy your crush, be more thoughful how you color so all can be happy here if that is indeed the reason behind all that.
But that is not the (you + genebean) layer. What needs do you have that genebean could meet? Are you articulating that to her? Or was sharing information/this experience enough? Did you need any kind of reassure? Or something else?
Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-14-2013 at 05:23 PM.