I'm going to invite some of you to pour scorn on my head by disagreeing with
And of course, no choice involved!
Given that I've never had a [willing] homosexual experience (mild starts that didn't arouse me so never led to "real" sex), I'm talking completely through my arse here, but many of you are used to that from me, so [clueless theorising]...
a) It partly depends on the definition of "sexuality". Is it your basic wiring or is it what you put into practice? Because ALL of us know that the latter IS a matter of choice.
b) Although I've never had a [satisfying, arousing] homosexual relationship, I have found some men (not many) very attractive. Through shyness or a calm deliberation that the other wouldn't be AT ALL interested, I've never made a move. The men who have made moves on me... I didn't get turned on by (although one of them was my best friend, I didn't find him sexy... AND he was hitting on me mostly because he was missing his NRE girlfriend). I consider myself straight... but open to possibilities.
c) I consider bisexuality as a sliding scale from 100% straight to 100% homosexual with all the combinations in between.
d) THIS is where I get the scorn. I think you CAN decide to change your sexuality. And I mean what you prefer, not just what you act on. A parallel: I used to be jealous. I went through a process of
1) believing that jealousy was a proof of "real" love >
2) intellectualising that it wasn't doing me any good, was only causing me pain, but still I FELT it >
3) inviting/provoking situations that made me jealous as a "therapy" to have to deal with it, despite the hurt >
4) beginning to FEEL less (NOT no) jealousy >
5) honestly believing myself (and really feeling
better with being) less and less jealous >
6) I can't say that I'm 100% free of jealousy, but maybe in the high 90s... and HAPPY about that.
7) determined to work on that bit that remains.
So if I can change my feeling about being in a relationship from valuing jealousy to despising it, shouldn't it be possible for me to overcome culture-enhanced FEELINGS of discomfort with homosexuality to becoming a real enthusiast? i.e. Can what you put into practice actually change your wiring? I THINK so.
I haven't got the answer, just an opinion and a few points for further debate.