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Old 01-14-2013, 09:56 AM
boadicea boadicea is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Hi BoringGuy,

The "baby-rabies" is what scared me too. My automatic response was that the relationship couldn't continue because of irreconcilable differences on this issue. However, both of them have been receptive to my extreme alternatives. For example, I explained to him, first, how, um, far away, he needed to keep himself at a certain moment (in addition to having no PIV sex). I didn't know that he didn't discuss with her his decision to have zero risk. Therefore, when I had "the talk" with her, she was actually relieved that he wasn't getting near her, in that way, because of logistics and not rejection of her as a person. I assumed that she would want out of the relationship and opened that door for her. But she decided to stay.

The thing is that she is very submissive (personality-wise, none of us are into BDSM sexually), and I am almost positive I could pressure her into an abortion (she has no religious or moral objection to it), but I don't like to manipulate people to get my way. Actually, I try to be very conscientious of controlling people because I have a very alpha/overly assertive personality. I am pretty good at getting other people to do what I want, but I don't like myself when I do that. Our guy is also pretty alpha, but not as bad as me. Considering how strong-headed he is, I was surprised that he is open to negotiating our girlfriend's being sexual with other men, which is something I've been discussing with him and encouraging him to accept because I think it's the right thing to do. But that's me. I'm walking the fine line between manipulating him to accept terms that he's uncomfortable with and having an open dialogue exploring his insecurity so he can overcome it. I hope I'm doing the latter!

I don't really understand why our girlfriend wants to stay with us when she wants babies soon but respects that we don't. I suspect that she's getting a better idea about how irresponsible it is for her (objectively) to have a baby now, period. She even seems a little embarrassed by immature comments she made before about loving the idea of being a single mom. Maybe she's growing up a little with our influence? I don't know.

She's agreed, after really understanding my perspective and the risks, that it's a very bad idea for us to get pregnant as a triad right now, but she still does not want to terminate if an accident happens. Which is her right. She would rather shift our sex lives (which we've already done over the past month) than end the relationship or disrespect that I need zero pregnancy risk. I like her a lot, and I do trust her intentions and 95% of her behavior (she can get a little irresponsible after drinking, which is where our teetotaler guy comes in handy), and I can't bring myself to dump her just because she couldn't terminate an unplanned pregnancy. But the fact that she had actively tried to get pregnant before did have me running for the hills for a couple of weeks.
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