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Old 01-14-2013, 07:35 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,165
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I am sorry you are going through this.

I know it is hard to feel, but you could consider taking a big breath, and then just move it forward towards healthy relationship for YOU. With or without him -- YOU be healthy.

This is what I hear -- let me know if I'm not in the ball park:

BF:
  • wants to be in polyamorous relationship with another woman and me
  • wants to force this on me.
  • did not ask me my willingness -- just put stuff online and answers as me.

ME:
  • don't want to be in a polyship?
  • don't want to be forced to have something I do not want?
  • don't want him to masquerade as me online and lie this way?
  • don't want to be with a liar?

Quote:
I don't know what to do, please help??
Sounds like you could revise/update/establish your terms more clearly with him because you aren't happy with the way it is right now.
  • Could tell him to cease and desist on the lying and answering as you. (That's just not respectful at all.)
  • Could tell him if he wants a polyship, he is free to pursue it -- without you. Break it off. (You have the right to have your romances come in the shape you like them in. So does he. Maybe they just don't line up.)
  • Could tell him if he wants to be in relationship with you, it won't be as a polyship. It will be under the terms of your shared agreement. Then take the time together to create whatever agreements you both will make in your shared relationship so both can play happy there. (If that cannot be done? Break it off. )

Just lay it out there. In this relationship...
  • You wants, needs, and limits are ____.
  • Your expectations are _____.
  • You are prepared to give ____. You will not be giving ____.
  • You are prepared to tolerate ____. You will not tolerate ____.

In similar fashion you inquire about his stuff. In this relationship where is he at?
  • What are his wants, needs, and limits?
  • What are his expectations of you?
  • What will he give/not give?
  • What will he tolerate/not tolerate?
  • Are you willing to meet his wants, needs, and limits?

If you are just not compatible and want different things? Or he's not willing or able to renegotiate the terms of your relationship so you are treated well inside the relationship? Remember you can always choose YOU and walk away. You deserve good treatment, not disrespectful treatment. And loving him doesn't equal "stayingness" -- you can still love him NOT in the line of fire.

With or without him --- you could choose to be your healthiest YOU in the long term.

Could choose not to tolerate shenanigans that cause you mental/emotional health pain.

Remember to BREATHE. And hang in there -- whatever it is you choose for yourself next.

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-14-2013 at 07:38 AM.
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