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Old 01-14-2013, 03:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
I'm not talking about lack of compatibility - one wants poly but their current partner wants mono. I'm talking about someone wanting and having the option to be with many partners but presently has only one. It isn't as if they cannot be in that kind of relationship because it is only one person. They are not oriented to be unable to such as saying "well you are but one person and that makes being sexual with you icky to me. Come back with some more people in tow and we'll talk." That is how being poly is different from sexual orientation.
*sigh* I can't tell if you're not listening to me, or if I'm being unclear. I'll assume the latter and elaborate.

Poly relationships are not like homosexual relationships in that sense, I'll grant you that. But that is a characteristic of the relationship, not the strictly-poly person in it. The strictly-poly person is oriented to only be in nonmonogamous relationships. The poly-orientation of that person is as much a part of them as the sexual-orientation is of a homosexual. It affects their ability to form certain kinds of relationships to an equal extent.

I'm talking about the kind of person who says "You want to be in a monogamous relationship? That makes being in a relationship with you icky to me. I'd rather stay single." To me, that's exactly the same as a homosexual saying "You're the opposite sex as me? That makes being in a relationship with you icky to me. I'd rather stay single."

A homosexual person can only be in certain types of relationship: those with members of the same sex. A strictly-poly person can only be in certain types of relationship: nonmonogamous relationships.

I'm not talking about being in a relationship and finding it icky because there is presently only one person. That would be more like a single person finding it icky that they're single. I have other opinions on that, but they're not relevant to this discussion. I'm talking about contemplating a relationship with a certain person and finding it icky because they would only allowed to be with that one person.

Whether or not you're talking about compatibility, it comes into play: Gay men are incompatible with women. Lesbians are incompatible with men. Strict-polys are incompatible with monos.

Yes, there are polys who won't date monos, even when the mono consents to the relationship being nonmonogamous. They don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand them, doesn't want the same things from life, and requires them to meet all their romantic and sexual needs.

There are certain types of relationships that homosexuals will not enter: heterosexual relationships. If a they cannot find a homosexual relationship, they will stay single.

There are certain types of relationships that strict-polys will not enter: monogamous relationships. If they cannot find a nonmonogamous relationship, they will stay single.

Incidentally, the 3rd wife on Sister Wives always knew that she wanted to be a 3rd wife. 1st was too much like mono; 2nd was too much like splitting a mono relationship. By 3rd, they were established as polygamous, had worked out jealousy issues in general, and knew how they wanted their family to be. She would have found it icky to be in the marriage without the other two wives in tow... There are also people on this very forum who prefer to date couples as a unit rather than form multiple separate relationships. So even that objection is not without its counter-examples.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-14-2013 at 03:53 AM.
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