Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Silence is not consent.
Well, I honestly cannot say whether you raped your husband or not. I was not there. So I cannot say "you didn't rape your husband." Maybe you did.
"I have been doing this for years; he is used to it" is not consent now; he has told you he is not interested in sex. Until he explicitly says he is interested in sex or that he likes it when you touch his penis, then there is no consent. Not saying "no" is not saying "yes" either.
"I put my penis in her but I didn't thrust back and forth." Really? Friction is the difference between rape and consensual sex??
Because he didn't ask you to start. By modern definitions, any sexual act without explicit consent (e.g. "I like it when you cup my balls and penis. Can you do that tonight?") is considered sexual assault. The fact that your husband doesn't object does not constitute consent.
You've told us that your husband is not sexual and does not want to be sexual. I can't speak to why he has not asked you to stop. Perhaps he is afraid of upsetting you. But have you asked him if it's ok for you to do that? If he's told you that he's not interested in sex, and then you touch his penis (whether you rub it or not) when he has not asked you to touch his penis, then girl, that's an unwanted sexual act. So no, I will not tell you that you have not raped him.
It makes me sad that I have to explain all of this. Do you think it's somehow different than if he were a 16 year old girl and you were her 19 year old boyfriend? Your husband's right to not be sexual is no less valid than a 16 year old girl's.
Yu are using really preposterous analogies. Nice try though.
My H is can somehow be assertive and tell me he does not want to make love but he is completely powerless when it comes to asking me not to spoon him and cup his testicles? He can tell me no babe I don't want a massage because why? Because I used to give him a massage after sex...and he just may have to give in. If he was powerless to say no to me wouldn't he be giving me sympathy sex/duty sex?
Why hasn't H rolled over when I cup him to go to sleep? Because he knows it is just loving touch. I was sick before Christmas, I chose to sleep in another room for 3 nights in a row. He came in and said babe you are better, come and sleep with me. I used to ride him for a few strokes then settle in and let him get flaccid and try to stay connected until we got hot. Did he perceive it to be that I wanted sex? NO why not? I had been doing it for many years and it had nothing to do with sex. I was just was just expressing my love for him. Do I do it anymore NO. When he couldn't sleep I would say love let's have a quickie then you will be able to sleep. He won't anymore? why? cuz he was using me to just go to sleep. I put my foot on top of his and he presses up...just a loving act.
If you want his phone number you can coach him.
You may be like some men I hug tightly. Then they think oh my, she hugged me I bet she wants me. NO, put YOUR ego back in your pocket. It is just a loving/thankful hug. Cupping his nuts is just a loving act. Knocking on the headboard means I want sex. Is there a chance he knows the difference between the two? YES
Sorry but nothing irritates me more than ppl making stuff up in threads.