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Old 01-13-2013, 06:49 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
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Silence is not consent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
Maybe you are not saying I have raped my H. But please clarify that I have not raped my H when you say those type of statements.
Well, I honestly cannot say whether you raped your husband or not. I was not there. So I cannot say "you didn't rape your husband." Maybe you did.

Quote:
I also cup is balls and hook his penis with my thumb. I hve been doing this for years and years. He is used to it.
"I have been doing this for years; he is used to it" is not consent now; he has told you he is not interested in sex. Until he explicitly says he is interested in sex or that he likes it when you touch his penis, then there is no consent. Not saying "no" is not saying "yes" either.

Quote:
He does get a morning woody and I hold it I don't even rub it.
"I put my penis in her but I didn't thrust back and forth." Really? Friction is the difference between rape and consensual sex??

Quote:
He never has asked me to stop so why should I.
Because he didn't ask you to start. By modern definitions, any sexual act without explicit consent (e.g. "I like it when you cup my balls and penis. Can you do that tonight?") is considered sexual assault. The fact that your husband doesn't object does not constitute consent.

You've told us that your husband is not sexual and does not want to be sexual. I can't speak to why he has not asked you to stop. Perhaps he is afraid of upsetting you. But have you asked him if it's ok for you to do that? If he's told you that he's not interested in sex, and then you touch his penis (whether you rub it or not) when he has not asked you to touch his penis, then girl, that's an unwanted sexual act. So no, I will not tell you that you have not raped him.

It makes me sad that I have to explain all of this. Do you think it's somehow different than if he were a 16 year old girl and you were her 19 year old boyfriend? Your husband's right to not be sexual is no less valid than a 16 year old girl's.

What's done is done and if your husband hasn't felt assaulted, then that's a good thing. But going forwards, you owe it to your husband's right to sexual autonomy to sit down with him and make sure you have his consent to continue those acts. If he exhibits any hesitance or says something loosey goosey like "yeah, I guess" then you have a moral obligation to stop.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-13-2013 at 07:05 PM.
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