Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Whaaat? How does him not being interested in sex or physical contact amount to abuse?? I don't know who these "a lot of people" are that you're referring to, as I don't know anyone who would see it that way. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you meant "neglect" and not "abuse."
For the record, forcing someone to engage in sexual activity when they do not want it is rape. Yes, women can rape men. No, having an erection does not qualify as consent.
The OP does not own her husband's penis. It is his penis and his decision when and how to use it. If he has chosen to stop using it in a way that she requires for a healthy marriage, it is completely her responsibility to leave that marriage and seek a relationship that meets her sexual needs. She does not have the right to pressure, guilt, or force him to have sex if he has stated that he does not want to. Period.
By the same token, he does not have the right to prevent her from using her vagina with any other penis as she sees fit. It's her vagina and she can put any WILLING penis in it that she wants.
Maybe you are not saying I have raped my H. But please clarify that I have not raped my H when you say those type of statements. I have gone to great lengths to wait about even asking for sex cuz after all who wants to be turned down. When we sleep I am usually touching him somehow. I also cup is balls and hook his penis with my thumb. I hve been doing this for years and years. He is used to it. He does get a morning woody and I hold it I don't even rub it. I do understand how a woody works in the AM. He never has asked me to stop so why should I.
What if he had told me babe, i'm really not into sex anymore, I don't want you suffering in silence. Please baby, you are a touchy feely type of woman what if I gave you a blessing to search for a sexual mate. I am scared and don't want to lose my BFF but then again, just reassure me and help me move through this. He is not used to me raising my voice at him in emotion and I am not used to him doing that. He feels out of control, so he is trying to control by not letting me make decisions that are mine to make. Going grocery shopping, picking out a movie at red box. I have never been able to make 50% of the decisions but how about 30% right now he is squashing me and it is emotionally abusive. I intern am fighting for my rights just for the simple things in life. Can we move through this...yes, will it take time yes. I too am guilty.
If a partner does not want sex that in itself is not abuse. I would venture to say that there is plenty of emotional abuse on this site. If my H does not want sex that is great but I do have to report that both of us are emotionally abusive when we engage in the raising of our voices coupled with some belittling. Sometimes I think oh brother this is so damn hard. He truly has very few acquaintances and I have to do my best. I just can't leave him like the others and then parade lovers in front of him on his jogging trail and say ...see this guy.
Everyone can be emotionally abusive at times it just depends on the duration of time that passes between each time it happens. What gives me hope is he will clean it up after he has been really mean. He snapped at me in front of strangers, that just does not happen in fact I am not sure that has ever happened in front of strangers.