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Old 01-13-2013, 02:45 AM
AnimeLover121 AnimeLover121 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
Default She dumped us- but should we try again? Advice?

Okay,
Hi!
I am really new here and extremely new to poly. Some background dun dun:
I am engaged to a wonderful man (let's call him Tim) Tim and I have been together since high school. We are very much in love. Life rolled along and we went to college where we met this girl (let's call her Clara). Clara is/was awesome. Nerdy cute and smart. Everything we are, and like. One day Tim and Clara got to talking and somehow wound up talking about sex to which he disclosed that Tim and I were experimenting with bdsm. To which she got very excited and hinted that she wouldn't mind joining us. Tim laughed it off, came home, told me, I laughed it off.

Life went on with one difference. Tim and Clara began flirting, all with my permission till one day Clara kissed Tim. Which actually turned into a more hilarious situation than a hurtful one. Everyone seemed to feel bad but me, lol. I gave the green light for Tim and Clara to do things and one night I joined in. With all the fun we were having Tim and I didn't want it to end. So we put some real thought into it and decided poly might work for us. An honest, committed triad. She fit into our lives so perfectly that it seemed a dream. And not just with sex. Food movies, games, every day was a blast. But the dream turned to ash in our mouths.

Clara moved away due to some plans that had been in motion before this all started. And no amount of begging could make her stay. She said she loved us. And we tried long distance. But stuff with her roommates seemed fishy and we hardly ever talked. Me, having known her the least amount of time, got the brunt of the cold shoulder. Eventually, she decided to 'set us free and stop hurting us' and dumped us. It was hell.

I cried on and off for days. Then resolved not to cry anymore. Then cried some more weeks after that. Tim cried too, and that hurt more. Finally, We're getting over it.
But now she's reaching out to us again and hinting that she might be regretting her actions. The time we spent together was wonderful and i would hate for that to be taken away forever. I've done some research into this and i know that if Tim and I seriously considered poly again we would be searching for 'the mythical unicorn': the bisexual female who would love us equally. Clara was our unicorn and I don't know if we could be that lucky again.

But she hasn't said straight up that she wants to try again. And if we do try again, I want to know she's a changed person that won't hurt us like that again. Should I approach her? Should Tim approach her? Should we wait to see if she'll actually bring it up?
This is killing me. Again.
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