Around October of 2009, LovingRadiance came upon a new word she'd never heard used before: "polyamory." When she learned what it meant, it was a life-changing experience for her. For the first time in her life, she realized that she wasn't the only person out there capable of loving more than one person at the same time. There was a name for the style of relationship that had always seemed natural, logical and loving to her. Even more importantly, there were others out there who thought and loved like she did and also spent their lives feeling like they don't belong. She began to read everything she could possibly get her hands on, to reach out to other people online and in person, and to educate others about an underground lifestyle that had always been a part of her life.
LovingRadiance heard stories of Poly communities in Seattle and other cities across the US where monthly potlucks drew over 300 members of poly families. She told me about her vision to create a similar community in Alaska where poly families and their children, whether triads, vees, quads or whatever, could come together and support each other and share ideas or strategies for making their dynamics work. addressing issues in a productive and healthy way and most of all... supporting each family's right to love in their OWN WAY, without judgement or persecution.
Through open-minded online groups, she and Maca met other Poly individuals in Alaska and she shared her vision. She was clear about the fact her obligations at the time prevented her from organizing such a group, but she expressed her whole-hearted desire to be a co-organizer and/or supporter of establishing a local community get-together in Alaska. "B", the original organizer of this Meetup, found Meetup.com and suggested we use that web service as a way to get the meetings started. The plan was made, people were invited and the very first meetup was held at LovingRadiance & Maca's house.
I took the liberty of uploading a picture of the original organizer for this group, "B", sitting on LovingRadiance & Maca's couch almost exactly 2 years ago to the day at the first Alaska Polyamory Group Meetup. If you read the meetup description, "House S&M" was referring to LovingRadiance & Maca. Only 4 people attended, including Maca, LovingRadiance, and "B"... I was the 4th individual. If anyone wishes to verify my story they may visit the following link to the FIRST meetup ever held for this community: http://www.meetup.com/Alaska-Polyamo...ents/12226904/ Since I'm a self-acknowledged digital-hoarder, I also have the original emails from 2010 pertaining to establishing and organizing this group and would be happy to share them.
I have included a short excerpt to one of the original forum posts below as well as a link to the thread. Most interesting to me is the discussion about the purpose of forming the group in the first place. You can visit the pages yourself at this address if you wish to: http://www.meetup.com/Alaska-Polyamo...s/thread/90041
A FORMER MEMBER: We should discuss the "purpose" of this group?
With 30 member accounts (several of which represent multiple people) there are probably 40 ideas on what this group should "be".
What I've gathered so far is that we want a non-judgemental open forum to express ideas, explore values, meet like-minded people (have the opportunity to identify like minded people) and perhaps find that special someone(s).
Personally, I'd add the opportunity to hug a lot and feel free to tell people they make my neurons and/or endochrine system ignite tongue
Edited by User 8,190,033 on Apr 25, 2010 10:50 AM
A FORMER MEMBER: Other possible purposes for the group:
a) connect poly people in AK (we are not alone)
b) share info on resources and information about poly (books, internet resources...) Perhaps even book discussions and debates?
c) social activities, community building
d) plan snuggle parties
d) understand and embrace the diversity of the poly movement
e) work with other meetups in AK
f) work with national poly organizations (Loving More, Poly Living...), maybe even bring speakers to AK?
g) organize travel as group to national conferences, poly communities,
h) legal support and consultation for polys with concerns or legal problems
g) raise awareness of issues confronting poly people in AK
Just ideas, talk amongst yourselves....
I am being 100% honest and accurate when I state that this group would not exist today without LovingRadiance's advocacy & vision. A nod must also be given to (name of current organizer deleted for confidentiality) who stepped in and took over leadership when "B" had to step down. (names of two current organizers of group-deleted for confidentiality) were instrumental in maintaining this group and supporting it as it grew from 30 to over 200 members. I would never wish to imply that their contribution were not instrumental or valued because they absolutely were. However, I would like to publicly recognize that while (names of two current organizers of group-deleted for confidentiality) watered and nurtured the growth of this group, it was LovingRadiance & "B" who planted the seed.
I miss the founding members of this group and their vision for what it could be. It was meant to be a collaborative, positive environment for education, support, acceptance, community and understanding.
Had any of us known that some point any member(s) might be inclined to use this group as a way to harass, torment, victimize and slander other people within the poly community for ANY reason... whether they feel it justified or deserved or not, it would never have existed. I truly miss their insight, wisdom, experience and loving guidance that taught me most of what I know about the poly lifestyle and how to sustain it in a healthy way by establishing a core foundation of love, communication, selflessness and, most importantly, RESPECT.
I have no idea what rumors, stories, information or other words have been exchanged by any member(s) of this Meetup about Maca & LovingRadiance and their family. However, I will say that it doesn't really matter. I have known them BOTH for almost 8 years and I have been a personal observer and PARTICIPANT in their family dynamic in various roles, at various points in time since before this group was a spark in LovingRadiance's brilliant brain matter. I was Maca's first partner outside of his marriage to help him gently through the transition from monogamy to the poly lifestyle because he needed someone he could trust, because I cared about them both deeply, because I wanted to see their poly dynamic succeed and because LovingRadiance loved him enough to have the courage to ask me if I would be more than just a friend in their lives. Not only did I agree, I was honored that they asked me to be a part of their poly journey. Maca has never divulged who I am at my request for discretion, so please understand how serious this situation is to have prompted me to divulge it now to over 200 perfect strangers.
Why do I tell all of you this now? Because someone in this group has chosen to spread extremely unkind, untrue, biased stories about a family that I dearly love and, specifically, about a woman I deeply respect and admire. It doesn't matter what those stories are... if they do not include information about how intelligent, loving, respectful, vulnerable and remarkably strong LovingRadiance is, then they are not true. Everyone is fragile when pushed to their limits, however no one among us deserves to be judged for our vulnerability or fragility. No one deserves to be talked about behind their back. No one deserves to be made to feel unwelcome, unwanted or intimidated in any fashion. No one deserves to have the boundaries and agreements of their poly dynamic violated over and over and OVER again... and then be crucified and judged when it breaks her heart.
No one deserves to have her husband and the love of her life refuse to step up and acknowledge his own part in the misunderstandings, then have him then fail to defend her when she's attacked because of them. I ought to know, since I was a party to those miscommunications myself. Why would a husband do such a thing? Why would he lie about his wife or refuse to set the record straight? Because he wants you all to like him and he doesn't want to be subject to the same kind of judgment himself. He wants to belong, be accepted and liked. The only difference is that I already KNEW both sides of the story, so my answer was to sit them BOTH down in the same room and give them the opportunity to clarify everything between all three of us. Problem SOLVED... and I still respected myself in the morning.
The vision the original members had for this group was a beautiful, peaceful, loving one full of enlightened, open-minded and respectful individuals. What few may realize is that it's not the "ousted" people who are hurt most when they told they don't belong here. They will move on and continue down their original paths, taking with them the benefit of their experience, wisdom, compassion and enlightenment... and this community will be the poorer for it. Nobody wins when situations like this are allowed to occur and continue; WE ALL LOSE.
"Love As Thou Wilt"