Thanks for all the responses
When I say "allowed" I mean that is what we have discussed and come to an agreement on.
I've told my bf it's ok to date freely and if someone comes along he is interested in on a deeper level then I am not stopping him from pursuing her. I'm sure it will be a harder bridge to cross if and when it comes to that, but right now he hasn't been seeking that out.
My gf it's a little different story. I'll elaborate in a moment.
If you were to read some of my other posts on here, my situation might make more sense. I've been w my bf for 6 yrs so he was always my primary. When I started a relationship w my gf 2 yrs ago, things got really heavy really fast. We fell super hard and went into the relationship full force. My bf had a hard time with it. Feelings of being left out, jealousy, sadness with the change of her and I spending more time together than him and I. This is all 3 of our first real poly relationship.
I went through some personal stuff in the past yr, confusion with my sexuality and uncertainty about my interest in men that I've just in recent months started understanding. During that time, him and I were on kind of a sexual break while I figured out my desires and boundaries. The lines of communication and touch are a lot more open now, but that all caused some damage to his ego and confidence as well as trust in me.
So all in all I understand why he is insecure when thinking about that I might want to flirt with and kiss another man. He's afraid of losing more of me. I personally am not interested in another involved relationship. I was telling him yesterday, I think I'm just obsessed with the chase. Flirting gets me way more excited than actually closing the bedroom door and getting it on with someone. I love teasing and making people feel wanted and feeling desired by them too. And maybe some hot making out lol. But I'm not looking for a relationship by any means. I know once you start messing with intense emotions, anything is possible, but it's not what I'm interested in right now any way.
And I try to channel those feelings of desire onto my current partners and I often do. But as you all know its not quite the same as the thrill you get from seeing a new smile.
As far as my gf goes, we have some work that needs to be done. I feel she is reluctantly going along with all this sometimes. It's painful for me because I feel she hasn't accepted that I'm polyamorous. She holds a lot of emotions inside that come out passive aggressively because she resents that I'm not "all hers." It's confusing for me sometimes too because her insecurity comes out by her saying things like "you're all I want/need, I don't want anyone else" hinting that I should feel the same way. But then a few times at parties and such I have seen her randomly kissing other people, which I'm all for, but it kinda makes me jealous of the fact that if I were doing that, she'd probably be upset.
So your previous question is she "allowed" to date outside of our relationship, I personally don't know if I'd be able to handle the drama. She is very young and insecure in a lot of ways and already fighting polyamory. I can't realistically ever seeing her desiring additional relationships but if she did I think there would be a lot of stuff to work through first.
Polyamory is so complicated. But I do feel they would see me as "greedy" if I truly admitted I wanted more, since I already have them both. I know things have to work out at their own pace so I'm not resentful of where we're all at with it all, but I do need to make it known that hey babes, I AM poly and even if things didnt work out with one or the other, I'm not going to turn into a monogamist over night.