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Old 01-12-2013, 03:46 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
I have a bf and a Gf, I am the hinge in the v, and none of us date anyone else. He is allowed freedom to flirt, kiss, fuck, casually date anyone he wants (it has never gone very far because he hasn't sought it out but the option is there for him.) She can also flirt and kiss anyone and we have had sex with other women together. She claims she doesn't desire more on her own.

Here's where it gets tricky, I do!
Why is he "allowed" to do anything he wants, but she is only allowed to flirt and kiss? You didn't mention what you are "allowed" to do. Are you restricted as much as she is? Are you and she only allowed to be with other women, not men? Why does he have so many more freedoms than you two do? Maybe you feel such strong lusty crushes because you feel boxed in, oppressed, or hampered by the unfair imbalance. Why shouldn't you also be free to fuck and date others?

And is your male partner the one who is doing all this "allowing?" If this type of arrangement is truly something that you wanted and willingly agreed upon, that's one thing. But by wording it as what you are "allowed" to do, it sounds like someone put rules on you that you have to follow - but clearly, as you stated, you want more. Time to stand up for yourself, renegotiate, and go for what you really want!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-12-2013 at 03:54 AM.
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