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Old 01-12-2013, 03:36 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 201

Tonight I went out with my boyfriend, as I almost always do on Fridays. We have become regulars at the place we go; I have never been a regular anywhere before. We have a very comfortable routine, yet we still have a lot of fun. It has been almost a year and a half now that we've been together. The last few months have seemed like a new form of NRE - not as crazy and unbalanced and obsessed as at first, but a new sort of magic and comfort, after a phase where we needed to sort things out a bit more. In general it means that we (or I, not sure how much this was ever an issue for him) maintain the happiness of being together but let go of the anxiety of being apart.

Sometimes it is a little hard to believe that it's real though.We have our two or so hours together, head back to our homes and families for the weekend, then see each other probably for a few shorter spells before we meet again next Friday. It is an intense period of togetherness followed by mostly silence, and sometimes (esp as I come down from the high of being out, and also crash a little after a glass or two of wine) it just feels very strange, and sometimes a little sad. Initially I didn't really believe I could build and maintain a relationship in a few hours a week; now I clearly see that I can, and it brings me tremendous joy, but the shift from together to apart still challenges my expectations of how love and relationships work. This is sounding like actually I am still anxious, but that's not really it; I don't doubt the reality or soundness of what we have, it's just that sometimes it's hard to wrap my brain around basically needing to flip a switch and turn my focus off of us.

I know this will pass; I'll read, sleep, go to yoga, do all my usual routines, and this will just have been a passing mood. But at least at the moment, I wish that that the highs weren't shadowed by the lows in this way.
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