My husband and my girlfriend and I are pretty open about our crushes and lust. My girlfriend and I tend to get more crushes, although she does also get lust. My husband likes to fantasize about women who would never give him the time of day, especially college girls who can have their pick of any straight guy on the football team.
None of it bothers me, and I've never understood women who get all ripped when their male partner checks out other hotties on the street, or men who get all insecure when their female partners wish they could spend one night with Johnny Depp.
Why can you not act on these feelings? Is this your choice or are you being compelled by your partners? Are they feeling like they're already "giving up" enough with you having two partners that they don't feel they should be asked to make any more concessions? Are your feelings and desires being respected by your partners?
I am who I am. I don't need labels to define me. They're sticky, and I hate the glue they leave behind.