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Old 01-11-2013, 06:09 PM
Katrpillar Katrpillar is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 12
Default Very nice :)

Hi Tamcat,

I am so happy things have worked themselves out and that you all are able to feel more comfortable and connected now that you have both cleared the air. It feels so good to set aside the troubled feelings we can generate within ourselves and get back to loving each other.

I have learned many times (and will continue to do so) how my emotions/fears/thoughts can jump ahead of me. I practice not giving in too deeply to the "negative" thoughts. Especially when they seem unusually out of character to what I believe my reality to be up till that point.

If my DH has been loving, supportive, affectionate... for the past 6 mos (or years) chances are he is STILL loving and supportive NOW even if it seems like it has stopped or changed. I have found this is especially true when we are separated by time zones/distance. In the past I would get super sensitive when my DH traveled and was offline without contact.

I have come to recognize that DH traveling can be quite triggering for me if we lose touch. When I own my own sensitivities I can deliberately and consciously give DH space and try a be patient with myself and my passing feelings about it.

It has taken a lot of practice and several experiences of me feeling uncomfortable (high anxiety, panic) for a while until DH and I finally get to reconnect and touch base and nothing has changed and everything is good between us. Usually DH has had a stressful or super busy time.

This is why when we are separated for some reason or another I do try to focus on myself a bit more (self care, projects, passions) and my own internal happiness which is independent of any relationship. I learned for myself a few years back not to tie my complete happiness to my marriage relationship. If I cannot be happy/fulfilled on my own how can I be fully present in my relationships?

It is can be easier said than done. Feelings can surge like a tsunami. I have tried to shift my perspective in difficult moments to just be present and loving to myself and allow the ebb and flow to happen while I try to keep the larger picture in my mind. That what I feel now will not last forever. And that what I feel now is not necessarily based in reality but rather my own flawed projections of reality which can FREQUENTLY be misguided.

Best wishes,

Katrpillar
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