For the record, I totally understand not challenging/being unduly upset by the OPP at this point, even if questioning it "in theory". I was there for 19 years...until Dude came along (unsought and unanticipated - I really don't like most guys). My focus was on the ladies (bi- and hetero-potentially-flexible-). I'm so interested in your story, as it there are several similarities to parts of mine...
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married (to TT) female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe