Love...and social functions.
Today, I was contemplating the fact that my husband loves me. I mean he really, really LOVES me. Apparently, he loves me in a way that is readily apparent to anyone who sees us together. People comment on it, which surprises me. See (those of you who have read my other blog know this already), my relationship with MrS was my first relationship, so in my subconscious this is how relationships are “supposed” to work. We talk to each other, we trust each other, we love each other, we want to please each other, we want each other to be happy – over time (20 years), we get better and better at each of these. Of COURSE we do – that's kind of the whole point!
So what does he do that makes it so obvious to outsiders that he loves me, that I am so used to that I don't see what all the fuss is about? (To be clear, I know that he loves me, I am not in doubt about that. I just am so curious as to what other people are seeing.)
As an example, he takes me, at my request (which I make rarely, as I know he doesn't enjoy this sort of thing*), to an office Christmas party at one of my staff's houses. These are not people that he knows well (although he has met them in passing and they know of him through stories I have told) or would normally socialize with (although they are fine, nice people), this is not his sort of gathering (or mine, I am not a “networking” kind of girl). So what happens?
1.)I am chatting with various office folk (which is my “job” at this sort of social gathering). MrS refreshes my plate with various tidbits of food (that are my favorites, the man knows the food I like!) so I don't have to interrupt my conversations to stay fed.
2.)He joins my “team” playing Pictionary (not his thing at all) and good-naturedly takes his turn, engaging the rest of the team with bemused facial expressions when he can't draw worth a damn and rooting/cheering me on as I slay the opposition.
3.)He fetches me water as he refills my drink and has me rehydrate as he tells other spouses amusing work-related stories (all tasteful and appropriate) about being married to someone in my profession.
4.)As the night wears on (and I am getting tipsy) he gently points out as people are leaving, so I can make my farewells and not leave anyone out. As things wind down he escorts me around to make my final goodbyes to the remaining guests and our hosts as we gather our coats (he helps me into mine and helps me find my gloves).
5.)He tucks me into the passenger seat, makes sure I have my purse and belongings and my seatbelt is securely fastened and drives me home.
The next day various staff members comment on how much my husband obviously loves me, how do they know? The general gist that I get is that it hinges on the fact that he is “paying attention” to what my needs/wants are and helping me do what I am supposed to do at such functions – talk and socialize with my workmates. But, I have to say that I am somewhat bemused, OF COURSE he does these things! I “have” to go to this social thingy, he agrees to go with with me to support that, he supports me by helping me do a good “job” at the social thingy (I'm an introvert, this is “work” for me – having MrS there to smooth the path makes it less “work”). If he was just going to mope and withdraw because it wasn't his “thing” then what would be the point of agreeing to go in the first place?!
* I actually have made a “rule” about it – we can ask each other to attend two “social” functions a year that the other would rather decline if we feel the need for “spousal attendance.” Weddings, funerals, work functions, etc. I think limiting the number of times we drag each other to gatherings we would rather avoid a.) makes us (me) pick-and-choose the most important and b.) ensures that the “dragee” gives their best effort on those few occasions.
PS. We actually both have "fail-safe" type of excuses (work-related) we can use if asked why our spouse is not with us at such functions...so one is perfectly free to attend without the other if we are so inclined. I have no need to be 100% honest with people who have no business being so nosy...
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-11-2013 at 04:47 AM.