If I were dating anyone in a multiple system, I'd have to know that all the members were okay with it, or a significant enough portion (or however they deal iwth it- if you've got 20 members, but only 2 ever front, then I'd only need to know the 2 are okay with it, not all 20. Although it'd be great if all 20 were).
Being with a disordered system would be even harder, I'd probably try to slow up and say that this can't work until they improve communication, order, etc but that I'd be there to help. It can be hard to deal with, they definitely need to get a better handle on the system issues and improve relations with their headmates.
Originally Posted by Pearl S. Buck
The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit. No two people - no mere father and mother - as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.