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Old 01-10-2013, 07:55 PM
Katrpillar Katrpillar is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 12
Default First, (((HUGS)))

I understand that you are hurting right now. In your words I connect with my own experiences of feeling a panicking need of something outside myself. I have experienced that, need for attention, gentleness, hugs, urges/cravings for food, scent, substance (tobacco and caffeine, etc...), another person...

Sometimes it feels very difficult and uncomfortable to sit in one's own skin. It can hurt, heave, hack, expel, fall, flail, fly, slumber, sail, soar...

Right now it seems Q (and A) is (are) unable to provide for your emotional well being right now. This is very unfortunate because you may feel very vulnerable right now and in panick mode perhaps, fight or flight...? I have felt that before in myself. It can feel so crazy. so scary and overwhelming.

Keep breathing we have to always re-remind ourselves... and then actually do it. Don't just type it, say it, whatever. Actually keep breathing. . .

Listen to healing music. Eat healing and comforting food. Sip calming/energizing tea. Thrash about with some words. or colors. Express... Cry. Accept that this sucks right now. It is. And it sucks. Attempt to comfort yourself. Move your body. Hug your body. Sweat. Breathe.

Place that pent up crazy energy/emotions into making a positive change for YOU. Not for the relationship but something just for you. Adore yourself and pick yourself up. Can you show up for yourself in your own time of need?

One small act and one moment, one smile and enjoyment at a time.

I hope your time of limbo passes swiftly. I have found that those times are for me the best times to dive deep into the feeling that is showing up. I allow myself space and permission to let it come up. After acceptance it is easier for me to move forward and to initiate and practice on my own inner strength and happiness more deeply.

Sometimes I can feel things so strongly that it is debilitating and I need to let them pass through. My feelings seems compounded when they are connected with a person who I love and "need" and I associate them/depend on them to help soothe it. Sometimes my Love and others cannot be there for me when I am in the need for soothing/coping and I have to stand up/lie down on my own.

There are so many reasons why loved ones might not be available. Sounds like Q has a ton on his plate. He may require space more than anything right now without knowing how to ask you for it without hurting your feelings. He may know that you need him and still be unable to show up at this moment. The lack of knowing why may seem unbearable. I do hope this passes. Sometimes our emotions can be overwhelming for others. And sometimes boundaries need to be more clearly defined.

Is it possible that you are leaning on Q more, wanting more entanglement, than you ever had with Q while you were married? Are you changing the nature of the relationship and your needs/expectations in it more than he wanted to change it?

I have found the writing of Karla Maclaren (The Language of Emotions) to be very helpful to gain insight into my own emotional workings and how to be more compassionate with myself and my emotions.

Best wishes,

Katrpillar
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