Gia and Eric are having some friction again about his involvement with Helen. Not about Helen herself, exactly, any more than my issues have been about Dexter. In a nutshell, Eric keeps trying new, fun, kinky things with Helen, and Gia keeps getting offended that he's never tried those things with her. He protests with what he thinks are valid reasons why he didn't think she'd be interested, she gets angry at his presumption that that would be the case when he could've just asked her before trying something new with someone else first, etc.
Gia and I were having a lovely discussion of our own kinky plans when this situation struck and the conversation turned into her venting about him. I tried to be sympathetic and helpful, while pointing out how much he loves her, but I don't think any of it penetrated.
I was surprised when Eric messaged me. He was very respectful about it, asked first if it was ok for me to be a sounding board for him on this. I told him that I might be cautious in my responses, but to go ahead. He said that he was frustrated with always being cast in the role of the bad guy, that he felt ambushed, that he didn't understand why she was angry (I didn't feel like I could explain without violating Gia's trust, so I stayed quiet on that point, even though it was a bit frustrating to know that I could have easily enlightened him -- it's not like she hasn't talked to him about this before, for the record, but I think she didn't take the time this time... hopefully they'll talk about it tonight), and that he didn't know if he should carry on with Helen.
I responded at length, told him that I thought that he should, indeed, stick with Helen. She's so sweet, if it's not going to work with her, who's it going to work with? And I don't think he'd be happy for long if Gia could have another partner and he felt like he couldn't, so dumping his lover because of his wife's semi-related frustrations is hardly the solution. In fact, it's helpful, I posited, for these sorts of tensions and misunderstandings, which might otherwise lurk below the surface indefinitely, to be forced into the light by situations that arise from having another partner. At least then they can deal with them. I talked about my difficulties with Dexter's appearance on the scene, and about how I thought that Gia and Eric's past was probably coloring everything that was happening now.
I think it was helpful, but it's hard to tell with that guy. He thanked me profusely (for a man who's usually so stoic, anyway), and I told him that I was glad we could talk. And it was true -- while it would have been easy to feel caught in the middle in a situation like that, instead I felt like I was able to take the opportunity to provide some informed perspective, and, as well, to give him a new window onto my own life and struggles (I had never had occasion to tell him before, for example, about my insecurities about Dexter, though perhaps Gia had mentioned it at some point).
I really hope that they work it out. :/ And not JUST because I really don't want it to ruin my date with Gia tomorrow night, I swear! But omg, I reeeally hope it doesn't ruin my date with Gia tomorrow night!! I managed to secure the prop we needed and everything.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 01-09-2013 at 01:27 AM.