GalaGirl, you give the best advice...thank you.
Everything you said made sense, and yeah- definitely emotional flooding. Looking back now, I wish one of us had thought to set a time, a day after the move, to try to get together to settle, to talk, to connect. I was concerned about both of them, and every time I spoke to them that day I tried to be sure to say I was glad they made it back ok, and A told me everything went fine...so I did check on them both and expressed concern. But talking to Q especially, I know I was probably letting the creeping sense of fear and isolation and even a little jealousy keep me locked in my own head and when it felt he was brushing me off or didn't care it made it far worse. But I can see how I contributed to it as well, and wish I'd known to do this instead because I did care that he was sore and tired and stressed, and wanted to be there for him, but my own fears got in the way.
Perhaps it would have been better received had you presented your request in that way -- with acknowledgement of his tiredness that affects his willing/able to give to you RIGHT NOW.
"I know you are probably wiped out from the move. (acknowledge where he may be at.) I am feeling anxious. I need reassure. Would you be willing to do me a short 5 min "There, there, we will all be ok" thing to me right now to hold me, and then be willing to set a longer time aside to process with me? Maybe Friday from 8 to 10 PM if that is good for you? I do not want to be tiresome but I do need support."
Then you could have gotten some "there there" to hold you to appt time.
I haven't gotten to talk to him today, but I will show him this and hope that maybe we can try again.