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Old 01-08-2013, 08:39 PM
Tamcat Tamcat is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 24
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GalaGirl, you give the best advice...thank you.

Everything you said made sense, and yeah- definitely emotional flooding. Looking back now, I wish one of us had thought to set a time, a day after the move, to try to get together to settle, to talk, to connect. I was concerned about both of them, and every time I spoke to them that day I tried to be sure to say I was glad they made it back ok, and A told me everything went fine...so I did check on them both and expressed concern. But talking to Q especially, I know I was probably letting the creeping sense of fear and isolation and even a little jealousy keep me locked in my own head and when it felt he was brushing me off or didn't care it made it far worse. But I can see how I contributed to it as well, and wish I'd known to do this instead because I did care that he was sore and tired and stressed, and wanted to be there for him, but my own fears got in the way.

Quote:
Perhaps it would have been better received had you presented your request in that way -- with acknowledgement of his tiredness that affects his willing/able to give to you RIGHT NOW.

"I know you are probably wiped out from the move. (acknowledge where he may be at.) I am feeling anxious. I need reassure. Would you be willing to do me a short 5 min "There, there, we will all be ok" thing to me right now to hold me, and then be willing to set a longer time aside to process with me? Maybe Friday from 8 to 10 PM if that is good for you? I do not want to be tiresome but I do need support."

Then you could have gotten some "there there" to hold you to appt time.
I haven't gotten to talk to him today, but I will show him this and hope that maybe we can try again.
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