Its hard to know how to pick my battles with this because monogamy was never such a struggle for me to begin with. It starts to feel really stupid arguing over this when I could do without an open marriage situation if not for him preferring it. But I also end up feeling like we only do this for his enjoyment. His enjoyment is important to me but I've come to the conclusion that, if it is so damn enjoyable, then I want to be enjoying it for my own reasons too. Not in the name of fairness but because I too have the option to do so and it helps me not get resentful.
I don't have no attraction to others when I'm in a relationship. I just don't struggle to not act on it if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
I'm trying to leave M out of the discussion about rules. I'm even trying to just shelve the idea at this point because there's 7 billion people on this ball and Husband isn't friends with them all. Only he isn't letting me shelve it now. He can't really deal with feeling like Mr. Bad Guy. We went through a lot this last year that really chewed me up. He knows the work I put in for him and see that all I really get out of it is I preserved my sanity and things are calmer around the house. If I try to back down, he starts feeling like an asshole. Around round and round we go about M now whether I want to or not! Geez! Has there ever been a spare cock worth all this fuss?
I tease. Kinda. I like vulgar humor; what can I say?
Since no traveling with secondaries is pretty much our last remaining rule outside of safe sex and using protection. I know I'd get real butt hurt if he tried to go on vacation with someone he was seeing while I miss out on one of what few vacations we take, so it isn't a rule I want to see gone entirely either. All that remains is hashing out what falls under that rule. I've come to the conclusion that everything is a case by case situation and no list of rules is going to work in all cases. But we are getting bogged down in the Legend of Billie Jean with "fair is fair". What is fair in this when we are two different people who already know each relationship is going to be different? It seems there is no fair until someone feels like things have become unfair. Funny how that works.