Thank you, everyone, for all that you've shared about your experiences and what you've learned... so many great insights and suggestions. So much that I hadn't given thought to (yet, but will now).
I have much to work on, I realize. I need to put WAY MORE effort into being understanding of the sacrifices (so to speak) that my husband has made on this journey of opening up our lives and love.
Sparklepop.... your a-d beliefs really hit me and made me go, "hmm. Am I poly? Or do I just want to f--k around and have my cake and eat it, too?" Made me take a good hard look at what my husband and my family and life mean to me and what I need to do to make sure he knows it and that I'm nurturing all of that, too. Thank you!
Galagirl - I so appreciate the reference to the article on practicalpolyamory. I will read it and get as much from it as I can. It is difficult to define what my husband struggles with.... I think it shifts and changes on a day to day basis, depending on what's going on. And that in itself is a challenge (like the earth moves under our feet all the time...). He IS looking for himself... but like I said, he's not as motivated as I am (or was). I think he realizes that it would be really nice for him to have an experience like I am having, so he is pursuing it... with great patience (unlike me). Great suggestion to ask him how the gauge is registering with the "NRE volume." That will help.
Too many people to thank individually (got a house to try to clean up!), so I'll just say THANK YOU to everyone that posted and shared their life experiences. I really appreciate it and will take this all to heart and continue this difficult, challenging but rewarding relationship work.