View Single Post
Old 01-08-2013, 03:38 PM
Petunia Petunia is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 618

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Well... I'll try to give feedback then. And good for you for working with your therapist! That is commendable.

You are not responsible for how they feel. But you are responsible for your partner's HEALTH and WELL BEING. Your behavior contributes to that because your behavior helps create the environment for your shared relationship.

Is "I am responsible for my own health, and for that of my partner" in your implied or stated covenant/agreement/standard of relationship?

You are the one being asinine? That is your BEHAVIOR. Not your feelings. If this person receiving this behavior is your partner, they probably hope that you choose to apply loving and kind behavior toward them rather than choosing asinine behavior toward them. They do not wish to be hurt by you, their partner.

If you do not make it a habit of choosing loving and kind behavior toward them, and choose asinine behavior to treat them with, they may feel yucky. In time, they may tire of feeling yucky and choosing "put up with it" type behavior. They might ask you if you are aware of what you are doing? And that is it asinine?

You risk that. Having learned behavior X is asinine, if you CONTINUE to apply that behavior -- They may choose a new behavior for themselves so they can feel better and yucky free: Choose to break up with you. You risk that also.

If your relationship agreements with your partner include the responsibility of "I am responsible for my own and my partner's healths: mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health" then you are in violation of that agreement/trust. They have every right to dump you then for not honor agreement.

So... basically what behavior you do is still up to you. You are always free to choose your conduct. You are not free from consequences of your choice.
So if you choose to treat partners with asinine behavior that you are aware of and know is asinine, be prepared for them to react with bad feeling then when you apply that behavior to them.

You can choose to continue it and risk them dumping you for treating them with less than loving kind behavior. Or you can choose to change your asinine behavior and avoid that risk.

Where is the confusion? Is it that your partner is trying to make you responsible for how they feel? If your assess and find that your conduct toward them is appropriate, loving and kind -- then could it be that they may be avoiding personal responsibility?

Everyone has to hold their own baggage.

You can't MAKE your partner feel happy, or feel sad or feel whatever. But you CAN acknowledge that your behavior affects your partner in some fashion because you are in relationship. And choosing healthy, loving, kind behavior to treat them with ups the odds of them feeling appreciated and cared about by you. You can't MAKE them feel loved (maybe they suffer depression for example and that clouds their perception) but it ups the odds for them to be able to feel that because you help create the loving environment in the relationship for them to feel it IN.

Thank you, GG. I am going to read through this a couple of times. It makes sense, though. FYI: I haven't behaved in an asinine way. I was just wondering where a person's responsibilities for their partner's mental health lie. You've explained it very well. Thanks!
Reply With Quote