Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Does he want to be co-primary with your husband, or is he ok with being a secondary partner while living under the same roof as your primary partner? If the latter, that seems like it could be a very taxing situation for him, emotionally.
Why do YOU want him to move in -- just to comfort him, or because you think you guys are really at that stage on your relationship?
Is there a Plan B if living together doesn't work out, would he be financially able to move back out and get a place on his own?
Am I right in thinking you have another bf? What does he think of this potential development?
The plan is to be co-primaries. I think we've been at that stage for a very long time, and if we lived closer then this would have already happened. We lived together for a long time (mostly as friends, though we did have sex occasionally) and we were almost co-primary level for a year and some change before, but I moved out here and he wasn't ready to make that move.
I have offered to pay for the move back if things dont work out, and he has a place to go if that happens. The initial trial period would be six months, starting in August.
My BF is very secondary, I see him maybe three times a month and talk to him about every 4-5 days, I haven't had a chance to talk to him face to face about this particular development, but the possibility of me having another relationship he is good with.
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility
I'm not entirely clear about R's relationship with the mother of the lost baby? And the baby? Was the baby planned or was it an accidental pregnancy?
Did R want to move in with you guys before the loss of the baby? That might also give you some information.
He didn't/doesn't want a relationship with the mom, in fact he is trying to get away from her emotionally, but he's a really nice guy and he is being there for her emotionally. They no longer have sex, he is only there emotionally, and he has expressed to me how much it is draining him.
The baby was an accident, and when it happened, R's comment to me was that he wished it was me (that was having his child), that he wants children, just not with her.
He has always been open to the idea of moving out but has always said he can't because of emotional ties to his friends and family and school. He has been working the 6 months or so to sever those ties that are unhealthy and he has found himself with only me as a true friend. And he is getting kicked out of school, so now seemed like a good time to both of us (well August when he should be coming out)
I think, from our conversations, that he is dealing with the loss (I know even an unplanned pregnancy loss can hurt) well, and the only reason on his end he doesn't come out here now is he feels an obligation to the mom.
We talked last night and he expressed that he wants to fulfill my contact obligation and he wants to come out but he doesn't want to talk about it or make definite plans (like dates or John and I moving which we will have to do) until he is free of his obligation to the mom. This may actually still work out the same, because the tentative move date is August.
And GG - thanks for the input, you gave me lots to think about