I spoke to my therapist about the instant reaction fallout with Twitch. I don't know if I can relay it properly here as some time has passed since our discussion, but basically we react on three combined levels; physiological, emotion, and past experiences. It's human nature to react instantly and we tend to believe that our reactions are pure and true, but they aren't. We aren't capable of being unbiased due to these influences. The key is to recognize this inability and trust that our partner's explanation is honest and true. It takes trust in your partner and it may go against what you know
to be true in your head. But we view things through an emotional "me" filter that is clouded, so we have to trust that the other person is being honest and we have to let go of whatever thought our minds have glommed onto.
Good to know.
Here's another concept that we covered, but I want to go over it again with her - please feel free to expound on it here if you have a handle on this. You are not responsible for your partner's happiness/unhappiness or any other emotion they may be experiencing. Her argument was that you know it's solely the other person's thing because you can say the same thing to two people and their reactions are not the same (i.e., one person may have a strong reaction, but the other won't have a reaction at all, therefore, we know that it's how it's interpreted and on them.
I get it on some levels, but I'm not sure how to bring that into my treatment of my partner(s). I mean, asinine behavior is hurtful and if I chose to go there, then I go there knowing that I'm probably going to hurt someone, so doesn't that leave me with some responsibility for their emotional state?