Conversations with Airyn: Part 2
I also told him that we'd have to talk about it more later. That I want to talk these things out, that I am stressed, and worried about a lot of the new things I want to try. I reminded him that I really am an introvert, and that my nature puts me wanting to avoid people in general. Either way we are amking progress. Airyn told me he spoke with Chipmunk (finally) about a roommate agreement. That Chipmunk did put in a request to work mornings two days a week, and that she has talked with her boss about being interested in day time shifts versus closing shifts. He's showing me that he is very concerned about the changes in our level of intimacy. That he wants things to get better, and for me to be happier. We talked about Chipmunk moving out versus her moving into another place with us.
He tells me that Chipmunk sees herself as part of our family, and that she wants to participate in us buying a home. He also told me that she also very much wants her own place, and that he suggested that she could do both. That she could help us get moved into a newly bought home, and then a few months later move into a place of her own. We also talked about the possibility that the house we have looked at could present. It has a small garage that is in need of a lot of TLC. We talked about tearing it down and building something nicer with a second story garage apartment. The idea being that Chipmunk could design the apartment. That she could purchase nice appliances that she would own. Things that she can take with her if/when she might move out. Like a nice claw foot bath tub (she prefers to take baths). Anything like that, stove, fridge, even the toilet. These are things we'd probably set up economically (inexpensively) and then upgrade later. I told him that when it comes to room mating with Chipmunk again I'd have to think about it. That there would have to be a roommate agreement in place before she moves in. That there would have to be a set time when things would be reevaluated. He talked about the three month trial period I had suggested back in November. I told him that was supposed to start at the beginning of January, not April. Airyn is actively laying the ground work for these possibilities.
He has discussed what things a roommate agreement would include, and says he talked with Chipmunk about the financial aspects of this potential agreement. He told her that the electric bill in our current place is getting out of hand, and told her that she will have to start participating. Before I left for work he asked me to talk with Chipmunk about amounts, and what she could expect. He doesn't remember my suggestions, so I told him we can do that. I also told him that Chipmunk has to start actually saving for the up coming move. That she can not expect us to cover her costs. I again told him that she can not continue to rely on us for her survival. She's an adult and should be taking care of herself. I told him that she needs to realize that I won't be continuing to drive her to and from work every day. That she has to get her own way to go even if that is just a bicycle. This is an old comment. I've been suggesting that she get a bike, and learn the busing/train system for about 3 months now. Airyn says he feels that she realizes this. I tell him that from what I have seen and heard this isn't so. That I feel she will expect him to continue to get her to and from places even after she moves into her own place.
I also showed Airyn the Roommate agreement I was putting my suggestions on. I showed him how it is just questions. That these questions are meant to spark discussion. I showed him that I included visitors, and that this was more for me, so I could know what would be acceptable if/when I would like to invite some one over. That If we are sharing space I need to know what everyone is ok with, as much as Chipmunk needs to know what is expected from her financially, and cleaning around the home. Airyn tells me that chipmunk wants a place where she can do what she pleases without having to answer to anyone else. I tell him that for me this is preferable. That I don't see her having her own room as a solution to many of the issues (problems) we are dealing with.
Apparently Chipmunk had set a date of January 13th for when things would have to get better in our current home for her to decide if she was gonna stay or move out. Now the tables are somewhat turning as Airyn has asked her to decide if she's in this relationship for the long haul, and wants to know by the same date she set for him. They are talking about her being young and interested in experiencing other people, and being more free with what she wants to do. Airyn has been listening to Chipmunk's interest and attractions to others, and is asking her how imminent this is. Telling her that everyone sees someone attractive and wonders what they are like, or has an interest in being with them. That we all just choose not to act on these things. So he's asking her if she wants to be able to act on these impulses, and if their mono type relationship will be ending on a whim. He told her that he does not want to put this much effort into a relationship that could potentially end in a couple weeks when she feels she wants something different. He tells me he can see how conflicted she is. They have previously committed to each other. As in Airyn won't date anyone but she and I, and she won't date anyone other then him. It's as close to Monogamy as she can get with Airyn. He's basically telling me that he has asked her for a deeper commitment, and has told her only she can offer him security in their relationship. That how she acts, and what she choose to do will tell him how secure they are as a couple. That so far she has not truly committed to their relationship. She has shown some poor judgement when out with others, and when in a group setting with us and our friends (or friends or friends). I told Airyn that the 13th is next Monday and that they don't have a whole lot of time to figure this out.
Airyn knows and has acknowledged that I'm keeping my opinion to myself. I told him that i don't see Chipmunk as permanent, and that's all I care to share verbally about it right now. He says he knows this, and that he has a good idea where I am without me saying anything else. I also let him know that I will listen to him about anything he wants to talk about concerning this deadline they have. That I will avoid making comments or passing judgement, and just listen and be here for him.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married