Conversations with Airyn: Part 1
First I told Airyn that I just wanted to talk about things, that I'm not talking about anything that I want to go participate in tomorrow. That I may not act on anything we talk about for a month or three.
Poly/Kink get togethers: Talked with Airyn about me going to some local gatherings for poly peeps, and kinky peeps. Told him about kink munch's and poly dinners. Told him that I'm not going to kink events looking to play or be played with. I'd be going to meet people who are into that, and get to know them. That I'd like to learn more, and see what else I might find interesting or worth trying. That I'm not quick to move on these things, and I don't see myself as having the level of trust I would need to participate in kink dynamics with any one new for a long while. He tells me any of these things I want to go to he is ok with, and tells me to stop stressing over it. That he does want to know where I'm going, what I'll be doing, but that he is ok with any of these events I've talked to him about.
Kink: I spent some time browsing Stockroom.com and had several tabs opened. When Airyn and I had some privacy I showed him the things I was looking at. I told him that some of it is stuff we can make/get our selves from hardware or sports equipment stores. I also told him that some things are easily manageable without purchasing anything. The only concern he originally stated was the cost of some of the things I was looking at. I also showed him a few items that wouldn't be used by he and I, but that I want. He has no issue with these items. His first comment was that nothing I was showing him was stuff he hadn't seen before. lol
Then we talked about what we have available right now, and how we haven't touched any of it in a while. He said that we have always gone through spells where we play with kinky things, and spells where we don't. He also says he is interested in trying out new things, and not as interested in the same things we've done in the past. We also talked about our issues with physical intimacy. He tells me that it will be easier for him to be more intimate with me when I'm less emotional. He acknowledged that kinky stuff isn't on his mind right now when we struggle with more basic intimate situations. I talked very briefly about it too. I told him that he and I need more time to ourselves. That I can be mental and emotional interested and not have the physical pull. This is something he and I will talk more about later. I told him there was more I wanted to say, and that I'm just not good at spitting it out. He said not to worry, that we can talk more later, when I'm ready.
He also reassured me. Telling me that he and I will be getting more time. That he's looking more closely at the schedule and that Chipmunk is talking about making some adjustments to her work schedule so that he and I can have more day time hours. He's telling me the same thing I've been telling him and his family for the past 4 months, "I'm not going any where". Telling me that he's here for me and that he wants me to have a girlfriend to get to experience that with someone who feels like I do.
NSBF: Not an option. I didn't specifically come out and ask for this, but did ask what level of intimacy is ok, versus what would be too much. Airyn very specifically said he is ok with any level of intimacy I am ok with from the first meeting on. He very specifically said with women. We talked about my being able to meet up with male friends, and discussed what his concerns might be. He tells me that if I say everything is cool, and he has nothing to worry about then he believes me, he trusts me. He also warned me like he did when we were younger that most guys are friends with good looking women cause they can't be more, but want to. Then he reminds me that I'm a good looking woman, and that any guy friends I have are most likely wishing they could be more. He made it very clear that any male friends have to know that it is just "friends". That I have to be aware that I don't cross the line of flirting, leading someone on, or giving anyone the impression that there might be more that I'm interested in.
I told him that this is new territory for me that I have not bothered with having male friends I could meet up with on my own. He asked about Just A Guy. I pointed out that that is new as well. That while I've known Just A Guy for 4 or 5 years he and I never met socially till about 4 months ago, and I pointed out that I invited him to hang out not the other way around, and that I invited him to come to our place. That untill this past month I had not meet up with Just A Guy on my own it was always with Airyn. I also pointed out that Just A Guy from my position is WAY to young for me. That Just A Guy and I have both talked about sex, and sexy things but always in the context of our relationships, and never any possibility of anything between us. That I know, and have shared how Just A Guy feels about his high school sweet heart. I then pointed out that this fellow I'm considering meeting in very public place for coffee I don't know that kind of thing about him and his wife. I also don't know how his wife might feel about him meeting up with a younger women. I'm about 10 years younger then this guy, and 15 years younger then his wife. I'll have to give him a name, lets go with Safety it has to do with how and when we met. I also pointed out that I'm not talking to Airyn as if I'm going to set something up to met with Safety this week, that it might not even happen till next month. That I really am just talking about this, finding out what Airyn is ok with. I told Airyn that I gave Safety my email, and that I feel comfortable with that. He laughed, and said email huh. We talked some more about some of the other fellows that I'm friends with at work, that I have on in my Facebook, (as well as several women), and that this is the first fellow I have given my email to. Airyn is not bothered by this at all.
We also talked about how I can go about meeting other like minded bisexual people. I expressed that I wanted it to be ok for me to get to know both male and female bisexuals. We talked about my interest in spending time in the "gayborhood" and I came up with the Idea that I get a part-time job in the area. I think it would be a good way for me to be comfortable headed out there on my own. And it's always nice to have some extra income. Airyn likes this idea, and said I should look into that. We also talked about me being interested in hanging out with gay men and "queens". I was kinda laughing about it, but I was also talking very seriously. Airyn likes these ideas.
We talked about there being room for passion, and desire. That he trusts my judgement, and feels that I'll be safe and cautious when deciding if a connection I've made is something I want to pursue further on the first "date" or 6 months later. I talked with him about my OKC account, how I put out there that I would not be interested in sex on the first date. That for me this sentiment was coming from a position of being with him, and that that is how I feel around men in general. Then I told him that I feel women are different. That I may find myself more comfortable with this idea with a women. He's ok with this. I told him that I wanted to talk about it cause I'm not sure. That I feel I'm in the same position he was once in. Worrying about how he will react when the time comes. (Like he worried about how i would react to seeing him with another women) He says that he doesn't foresee himself being uncomfortable, but that if he finds he is he will let me know right away. I told him that I'll feel better about meeting up with people when we have a bigger place like the house we are looking at. I told him that I have two minds about it. That on the one hand I have basically no experience with women, and that I expect to find a lady who has a lot more experience then I do. That going to someone elses place means that they are likely to have toys we can play with. On the other hand I'd like to be able to invite someone to my place, and that I can't do that right now. I also tell him that all the concerns he and I have, I expect anyone I may find I'm interested in to have the same about coming to our home as well.
I told him a couple times that I'd really like someone outside our place that I can cuddle with, hold hands, and potentially kiss. That the little things that bother me at home would be less of a bother if I had that type of interact elsewhere. I also said that some of the things I want I can only get at home. To this he started talking about sex again, and I told him that I'm not talking about just sex. Then I went back to talking about wanting to have someone I can cuddle with. That it would be nice to curl up with someone on a couch and watch movies, or TV shows together. He said it would be nice for he and I to do that and watch Hell's Kitchen.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married