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Old 01-08-2013, 07:44 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,094


I am happy. A bit tired now that the twelve days of Christmas are over. The tree can come down. Yay. Hanging with friends and eating up the king's day bread kid and I baked was fun.

Funny how kid is happiest with the simplest things -- her stocking came with pads for playing the dot game. Then you don't have to make the dots yourself before taking turns drawing the lines to "win" a square. The other thing she's been obsessed with is the bag of long balloons with a small pump and directions for how to bend the balloons into things like hats.

Struggling Friend let me know he appreciated 2 emails I sent. I'd noticed him looking wan so I checked in with a short note. He responded with some of his struggle. So I learned they're having a rough time right now. (Hence his anon name of Struggling Friend.)

I went ahead and sent a longer response offering appropriate supportive things -- an ear to vent at, babysitting, whatever. DH read both my note and my letter and thought it was sweet.

I told DH I wasn't sure what to do there -- the HOW of it. But I was thinking the correct thing was to touch base and offer... so best I do it anyway even if not worded perfect. Better something than nothing. That's what I would want. So I went out on a limb and went there.

Struggling Friend didn't respond right away. Which is fine. I assumed he was digesting/dealing with his life. (I assume positive intent.) But I was also a touch concerned that maybe I crossed a line? Or poked the bear if my wording was not broadcasting in the way I meant it?

Ms Emotion: Uggggh. Not like me feeling weird!
So it was nice he told me it meant so much that he saved it to be able to read it some more when I ran into him.

Ms Emotion: Yay! No more weird feeling!
Which goes to show I'm still right with that instinct. Even if it feels a bit strange each and every time I do it. Offering my compassion FIRST to a hurting friend is a good thing. Share in the struggle a bit. Maybe people don't need advice all the time -- they just need to be seen, and be offered compassion/acknowledgement.

Yes. I see you are ----> here. <------
Isn't that what I basically want when I feel emotionally flooded?

"Yes. You are here. I see you."
With a touch of

"There, there, Poor baby. I'm here with you in this and will endure with you."
if it is from DH.

Whether or not the person is ready to receive it at the time and takes it well at first or not? Or I am able to express it just right or not? The correct thing to do when I see a hurt is still to acknowledge it in some fashion.

Turning a blind eye on a friend when you can SEE something is going on is not correct behavior. Check in. Turning a blind eye is is shirky. Hoping doing so will make my own weird feeling go away is shirky.

I don't have to be a craftsman at expressing how I see it. It just has to be seen.

It's bad enough to have to struggle, without having to struggle in the darkness. Oy.

And isn't that part of holding people accountable? Not just calling them into account when they have behaved poorly and you want to know what the reason for all that is. But to call them into account so that they matter, they are seen, are valued, are not missing.

To belong is a human need. The need is met when people SEE you and include you in their concern and their taking account of their world. When you are glad, when you are not -- you are seen, present and accounted for.

I supposed that is part of the implied contract for friendship -- that you are noticing how your friends are and taking account. Funny how I've not articulated that before. Shiny Thoughts.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-08-2013 at 02:03 PM.
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