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Old 01-08-2013, 06:52 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Gia deals with a lot of anxiety, and a ton of guilt any time she feels like she's not living up to how much she should be giving someone... Eric, me, Bee, her cat... the only one she *doesn't* feel that way about at all is Dexter, really........ and WOW things are making a lot of sense now...
She actually tried to explain this to me once, now that I think about it, but I didn't quite process it at the time. Or, at least, I didn't think about it in the same light.

It's so funny, the way you have to let go of expectations to get exactly what you most wanted, sometimes. I didn't ever want Gia not to spend time with Dexter, I just wanted her attention and focus and time in the context of *our* relationship and I was conflating those issues. Rather than going down that road, I let go of my fears that she wouldn't meet my needs or care about my desires, and now she seems more tuned into my needs and desires than ever.

If I'd sent her that email about how and why exactly I thought I needed her to limit her time with him, I can pretty much guarantee we wouldn't have had all the same lovely times we'd had recently. Instead, I opened myself to compersion in service to her needs, to the point of literally begging Dexter to kiss her... which, of course, I only found myself in the state of mind to do because she'd been giving me what I needed not moments before... lovely positive feedback loop there.

I'm so grateful for this board, seriously. I don't think I could have moved through this shift nearly so quickly, if at all, without a place to.just share without reservation, and to get such thoughtful feedback.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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