Thread: The Rare Life
View Single Post
  #10  
Old 12-31-2009, 03:09 PM
Rarechild's Avatar
Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default Update

She is great. We are great. We took the drive together 2.5 hours to her home and she was so wonderful and sincere and gracious. We didn't actually talk about anything poly-related, though there were some kind of funny metaphor conversations that happened around her dog, who was being very protective of her and looking to her for permission to be pet by us.

We ate and drank wine and she and I got to know each other, while Catfish stayed mostly in the background beaming. I can really see why C is attracted to her- I found I am as well, and she is very easy to be affectionate with. Both she and I were so relieved to be able to look each other in the eye, to hug, to smile at each other and show each other kindness.

I had an extra glass of wine with her at her urging before we left because she wanted us to stay, and that may have had a little to do with my emotional outpouring on the way home. I cried like a baby. The thing that struck me the most was that going in to this, I had lots of old feelings of jealousy about her and C's friendship, and I guess I expected to find some kind of fault with her to hold on the last vestiges of control, to feel superior or untouchable, like C could never really fall for her.

I was denied this because she is a great person. I couldn't ignore that. It made me feel really faced with myself, my choices to explore this lovestyle. The crying I did was the good, cathartic kind- I could feel myself growing. The reality of C having a relationship with someone I can see as my equal is still scary to me, but it's really a beautiful thing.

Last night, she and I had a wonderful conversation online, as we had before we went to visit her, and she has expressed respect and love for me, and a desire to be a friend to both of us first. She is very understanding of what C and I are going through and has said many times that as long as she can be in our lives as a friend, she considers herself lucky. I told her truthfully that I know she belongs in our family, I just don't know how yet. There are lots of possibilities here, but she and C are being wonderful to me and going at my pace. I have found great satisfaction in giving that love back to both of them, and being generous, even when I'm scared.

At first I thought she would be the hardest person to deal with C having a relationship with because of our history of misunderstanding each other. Now I see that she is in fact the best person C could have chosen to open up to, because they have been friends for so long, and she is willing to be that kind of a friend to me.

At the very least, she and C can now carry on their friendship without worrying about how I will take it, and I have gained the friendship of a beautiful woman. At most, who knows? I feel good most of the time about this, and when I feel bad, I know it's mostly my own issues rearing their ugly heads on me- but that gives me an opportunity to face them.

I love Catfish more and more with each day that passes, and I am so happy to see him growing too, and trust building both ways between us. I'm pretty floored at how this whole thing has given the three of us an opportunity to shine so bright on each other, and I'm grateful.
__________________
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan


I love Catfish and Charlie.
Reply With Quote