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Old 01-08-2013, 06:28 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,022
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I am glad you are enjoying the NRE. That's always so fun!

You have several points in one message.

1) Your want to be "out" to your friends with lover going about the community. But that's only you. You are not single. You are not a duo any more either. You are now in relationship in trio -- the shared sweetie hinge in a "V."

What you want has to be balanced with what the others want and need and what their limits might be.

So you could ask them (husband and lover) where their comfort level is at for THIS point in time. Determine where the next check in would be, and then check in then at THAT point in time where their comfort zone is at and what has changed, if any.


2) Your husband emotional management stuff.


What's he struggling with? If he wouldn't otherwise be looking for himself, why's he looking now? What's that supposed to solve? Is he monoamorous? Or polyamorous? You do not say.

If it is jealousy he struggles with, could he do more page 5 and you do more page 6 ideas from this article?

If it is dealing with your NRE gushies, and willingness to have it in the house "in his face" so to speak -- well, talk to him. It's one thing for you to share your NRE at a volume he can take. It's another to drown him with it -- esp if he has unmet needs. Are you tending to your old relationship energy as well? Does he have needs that need meeting? What's he feeling exactly that's struggle?

It's normal to want to share you poly joys, share them freely here or to safe friends. It's normal to want to share it with your beloved spouse -- but again -- at a volume he can take. He could be THRILLED for you but still find it annoying if all you do is swoon about. YKWIM? You could ask him if your "NRE volume" is ok or not for him to listen to.

And you can tell him and demonstrate to him that you appreciate his willingness to be in polyship with you. He doesn't have to be there and he doesn't have to be willing. But he is because he's chosen this for himself. So thank him for his willing -- and recognize you benefit from that.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-08-2013 at 06:35 AM.
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