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Old 01-08-2013, 05:18 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by rory View Post
I think your aim of limiting the time you spend obsessing about your relationship with Gia might be quite helpful.
It really, really has been so far, even in this limited time. It was like something just fell into place and I could see the pattern for what it was. I still do it, but now I can actively stop myself because I realize that there's another option.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I'm so happy to read your texts, you sound a lot calmer.
Thank you, I am. I still have my moments now and then, but it's been loads better.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I may be projecting, since I don't know Gia so can't know what is going on in her head. However, as an introvert, I feel that I can relate somewhat to her position. I don't have an opinion about whether you should ask or not, just my gut feeling.

For me, your solution wouldn't really help that much. Logically, I see why it "should", i.e. why, rationally, it seems it would. But, at least for me, that is not how it works emotionally. I would definitely not want to commit to something I felt was too much, even if my partner made it very clear that they are prepared to be occasionally disappointed. That anxiety coming from "not being enough", it is not much lessened by the other person's attitude, no matter how understanding. However, I am not sure how much of my own anxiety is related to introversion, and how much to other things, which Gia may not share.
Wow, this was VERY helpful. I had been feeling ill at ease about the idea of pushing for a once-a-month commitment, considering how unhappy Gia was about it last time (she said that me pressing on the topic made her want to "run the other way"), but I just couldn't see a single unreasonable thing about it. I couldn't understand her reluctance in any way that had to do with something other than her just not wanting to see me. Which was confusing, because I know that she DOES like seeing me.

Having a new way to think about it is a really big deal, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to lay it out. It makes perfect sense, too, because, in addition to being introverted, Gia deals with a lot of anxiety, and a ton of guilt any time she feels like she's not living up to how much she should be giving someone... Eric, me, Bee, her cat... the only one she *doesn't* feel that way about at all is Dexter, really........ and WOW things are making a lot of sense now...

Heh, that all just puts things in a whole new light and goes even further towards making me feel better.

Something else that's making me feel better -- it occurred to me that, of everyone, Eric is the one who ought to be jealous. I can at least console myself with the thought that, hey, if she's more excited about getting with Dexter than with me, it's not personal, she just really wants some dick right now. If she suddenly has an interest in reading up on fellatio techniques, well, she can't exactly do that with me.

But Eric, of course, IS a dude. If I were him, I'm sure I would be thinking to myself "no fair, how come she never took the time to learn about new and improved ways to suck cock all this time when my cock has been right here!" Instead, and I know this because she told me, he's just pleased that she's looking into at all. Looking in from the outside, at least, it seems like he's just happy to get the side-benefits of her NRE without being threatened by it. It's kind of inspiring, his simple faith in her and in their relationship.

One last thing that's making me feel better, before I get to bed. Gia and I have a date on Wednesday night. I sent her a long-ish list of ideas for things we could do. Some were at my house, some were out on the town, no expectations whatsoever about which she ought to choose, making it clear that sexytimes didn't need to be the focus of the evening. She wrote back with her choices of activities, and they were, um, actually ALL exactly what I would've most wanted to do. So. That kind of rocks.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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