Thread: Who Knows?
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Old 01-08-2013, 03:47 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee View Post
I'm curious, especially of those of you who have been in long-term poly relationships, who knows about it?
I'm not the kind of person who feels like being out is a big part my identity, so I tell people if it comes up naturally in conversation. Like if I say "my girlfriend" one too many times and they start to get curious so they ask.

Quote:
Does anyone outside of your relationship know about your arrangement?
My mom knows, as do most of my friends, some of my co-workers, and my ex-boss who happens to be my girlfriend's husband's boyfriend. My dad doesn't deliberately "not know" just we don't talk that much, especially about life-stuff, and it's never come up naturally in conversation.

Quote:
Is your secondary just known as a good family friend?
My girlfriend is known to my mom as my girlfriend.

My mom came with us to my girlfriend's for solstice. I had fun making her head spin afterwards, as I explained the chain of relationships present for the celebration (a vee-chain with 4 hinges), the fact that my girlfriend's husband is transgendered and is therefore a man who was born into a woman's body and how I don't think of him as a man born as a woman, but just a man who happens to like to cook and sew.

[[aside: I think it's hilarious, and terribly sad, that my girlfriend's mom gets so confused by that. "If he likes to cook and sew, why didn't he just stay a woman??" This from a woman who operates equipment in a coal mine... sigh.]]

Quote:
Who did you tell first?
I was out to some friends when I was single. I've always known I'm nonmonogamous, and as I started to learn that there's a word for it, I started discussing it and exploring it in my early 20's. That's how I learned that two of my best friends are poly. They're not out because they have a professional job, but they came out to me (swearing me to secrecy) because they knew about me.

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What was the hardest part about opening up?
For me, it was pretty easy. I only told people whom I knew would be ok with it. I think it's silly to be out at all costs, unless it's something you need to do to feel honest with yourself. For me, it's not such a big part of my identity that I need to shout it to the world.

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Were you met with any backlash?
Nope. First time I told my mom, she said "I don't want to hear it." I dropped it for the time being, then I brought it up another time and she was a little more receptive. I just kept bringing it up casually until she was forced to accept it. But my mom is a hippie, grew up / went to college during the whole free-love movement, so as soon as I made it clear that I thought monogamy was for the penguins, she started thinking about it and realized that she'd never really bought into the whole monogamy thing either.

For the record, I now understand that there are some non-penguin, ape-like creatures known as homo sapiens who also follow monogamy deliberately and consciously. Who knew?

Quote:
Or if this thread has basically been started elsewhere, if someone could direct me to it. Thanks.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30211
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2103
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-08-2013 at 03:51 AM.
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