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Old 01-08-2013, 02:01 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,245

Originally Posted by Chupacabra View Post
But just last night, she begged me to let her date her ex. She was pleading and bargaining. And when I told her "No," she continued on.

Am I right to feel threatened if she dates him? What do I do here?
I'm with NYC on this. After less than 2 weeks, she feels like she has to plead and bargain your permission to do something in her own life? And you feel like you have the authority to tell her what she can and cannot do?

My husband and I have been married 3 years, together 6. Today, he asked my permission to do something (I forget what). My literal response was "I don't own you, you can do whatever you want." If I don't get to own my husband after 6 years and a marriage certificate, you sure as shit don't get to own your girlfriend after 2 weeks.

If you tried to pull something like that with me, back in my solo poly days, I'd have your ass booted out the door so fast you'd get whiplash. Consider yourself lucky she hasn't said good-bye, and get your act together.

Is it wrong to feel threatened? No. Does your insecurity make it ok to be possessive and domineering? Also no.

That doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. But if she wants to date her ex, it's her life. If you don't like it, don't be a part of it. That's what boundaries means.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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