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Old 01-08-2013, 12:27 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Yeah, I saw your gender-related post earlier, it was interesting. I think your aim of limiting the time you spend obsessing about your relationship with Gia might be quite helpful.

I'm so happy to read your texts, you sound a lot calmer.

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Clinging to a hard limit provided the illusion of a solution without actually settling anything.

When I started to discard that way of thinking, I became much calmer. Since then, the whole situation hasn't troubled me in the same way. I'm sure that there will be times when I struggle with it again, but for now I've found what I needed in order to have some peace, which was to let go of the idea of controlling the situation.
I totally get this, it is very similar to how I feel about these things.

I had some thoughts about this
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I'm actually thinking that I'll bring it up again soon. I have a plan for how to explain to her why setting once-a-month dates as a goal would be better than the way things are now. I think she's afraid that it will create disappointment, on both our parts, if we can't meet that goal, and so she'd rather shoot for something more attainable. But I'd rather be satisfied more often and disappointed occasionally, than never disappointed but less often satisfied.
I may be projecting, since I don't know Gia so can't know what is going on in her head. However, as an introvert, I feel that I can relate somewhat to her position. I don't have an opinion about whether you should ask or not, just my gut feeling.

For me, your solution wouldn't really help that much. Logically, I see why it "should", i.e. why, rationally, it seems it would. But, at least for me, that is not how it works emotionally. I would definitely not want to commit to something I felt was too much, even if my partner made it very clear that they are prepared to be occasionally disappointed. That anxiety coming from "not being enough", it is not much lessened by the other person's attitude, no matter how understanding. However, I am not sure how much of my own anxiety is related to introversion, and how much to other things, which Gia may not share.
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