Originally Posted by bobcat725
BUT, can I introduce my lover to friends and walk around the town holding hands? No, not yet. Can I have my lover here at our house so we can all hang out together? No, not yet. Is it realistic to think any of this can even happen?
When? How soon? All this stuff will be hard for me. I'm impatient with these things.
Any advice out there on how to take things one step at a time and not get too carried away with the new found liberation? Thanks.
I'm in the same boat as you regarding being 'out' about my polyness. I'm married to Aquarius who's family is conservative. Our friends and extended family are conservative as well (I moved here from the SF Bay Area so I'm quite open about lifestyles as you might imagine).
I recently had a talk with Aquarius about coming out with polyamory - I don't fear judgement anymore and am quite content with myself. Coming out also re-affirms my commitment to absolute honesty, with everyone around me. Well, short story even shorter, the answer was a firm "no way."
My initial reaction was, internally, to take offence. I felt as if I was being told what to do. Once I thought about it in a different light I realised that I had to heed her advice, and for the foreseeable future simply maintain a monogamous, hetero exterior.
Here's how I look at it. Aquarius is suffering enormously dealing with my revelation about polyamory (back in Feb 2012). We are just now exploring how we're going to start our poly lives together, and to also have to explain it to her family would just be too much. I can't ask that. So the subject is settled.
Sometimes the best course for a strong relationship is a bit of give and take, even if that give and take requires some deceit. Remember, the deception is with others, not with your partner(s), so it does make it easier.
Don't know if that helped at all, hope what I said didn't make it worse for you!