I'm not sure she was ready for the balancing and compromise needed to handle multiple relationships. She also said she had not planned on. Our relationship becoming as strong as it did. We spent most of it undefined and for a while called it equal but then things were shifting I was feeling much more secondary again despite coming very close to a couple primary relationship. I would have been very happy with Co primary but she said that was not something good she could give. I think she originally wanted her other relationships to be more casual and tertiary but that was never discussed when we started.
If I learned of each thing it is better communication and clear expectations from the start and ongoing. We were originally undefined, got labeled serious and then issues were held in. I may be taking a step back from poly for a while.