It sounds like polymath pressure built up for her as the hinge person maybe?
- First, recently married. So perhaps she is not solid on "working things out skills" with the husband. How he and her communicate.
- Second, first poly relationship for her.
- Third, she is not solid on her "working things out with you" skills. How you and her communicate.
- Fourth, weird guilt of hers with her having another partner and you not.
Being polyamorous has nothing to do with current number of partners. One can be SINGLE and polyamorous.
Having the skills required to polyship well in a "V" shape is another thing -- either as the hinge "shared sweetie" person or one of the "V arm" people.
Again, I'm sorry you are dealing with the pain of a break up.
It sounds like it was up front as much as possible under the circumstances.
You were willing and able to work things out. She was not
willing and able.
You have learned what so far from the experience?
- That maybe you like a co-primary model of open relationship?
- That maybe you don't like a primary-secondary model? Some other model?
- That maybe you want to ask your future shared sweetie how good they are balancing needs? And dealing with other partner jealous of you? (Was the husband jealous?)
- That maybe you prefer this type of break up -- up front? Something else?
- What your polysaturation point and that your future partner is good with that?
- Time management expectations?
- Conflict resolution expectations?
Breaking up isn't fun. But that doesn't meant the experience wasn't worthwhile. Do the TLC you need to do for yourself. Heal. Then when you are ready to move forward, you could see what you can bring forward with you from this experience for your own benefit.
Hang in there!