Thanks, NR! Believe it or not, making it was actually helpful in the moment. I'm having mixed results with the whole "don't obsess" thing, but I think it's deeeefinitely the right impulse and I'm continuing to work on it.
Saturday night put my recent fears to rest to a great degree. It was the monthly club night that we all go to. Gia, Eric, and Helen (y'all remember Helen, Eric's lover) were all there when I got there. The music was on point, and I spent more time on the dance floor than I normally do. Gia was wonderfully dom-y, she grabbed me, tipped my head back, kissed me, spun me around, kissed me some more. Hard not to feel wanted in the midst of all of that, I was digging it sooo much, both for the attention from her and for the exhibitionistic aspect of it.
Then I noticed that Dexter (y'all remember Dexter, Gia's lover) had shown up, he was standing near us on the dance floor, off to Gia's other side. It didn't occur to me at the time, but I wonder now what he felt, watching us -- appreciation, jealousy, lust, none of the above?
I pointed at him. Gia looked over and lit up at seeing him. Without really thinking about it, just drunk from her kissing me (and from the cocktail or two I'd had earlier, to be fair), I gestured wildly for him to come closer. "Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her!" I told him. He obliged, kissing her cheek and neck on one side, and I fell to work on the other side, doing the same. She sort of stuttered incoherently, shock and pleasure in her voice. She seemed completely unprepared and overwhelmed, in a very good way. It was AWESOME. Then we both broke off, and went back to dancing.
After she'd had a moment to recover, Gia said to me "You... I... I'm not upset at *all*, I'm just a little frustrated that you knew that I'd want that without me even saying anything!" I could only laugh. "It's not like it was some huge mental leap," I said, "it's what I'd want." She didn't have an answer to that.
The rest of the night proceeded equally satisfactorily. Gia danced some more with me, and also danced with Dexter and with Eric. I didn't stare, so I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure there was a fair amount of making out and groping going on there as well.
I grabbed Helen and danced with her at one point. She was so cutely shy while seeming really into it at the same time. I'd never thought her unattractive before, but her appeal started becoming a lot clearer to me. I managed to not make out with her (Davis would definitely not have been cool with that), but I did sort of maneuver her around so that she was sandwiched between me and Eric at one point, which both of them seemed not at all displeased about.
So, yeah, a really good night all around, kind of the ideal of how I'd like life to be... a lovely tangled web of friends and lovers, all getting along, all natural and sexy and free and fun and respectful. Gia posted later about having had an amazing fucking night.
She and I saw each other again the next day. I came over to her place in the early afternoon to drive her up to see some mutual friends of ours about an hour away. Eric and Bee were already there, she'd waited for me (I'd had another obligation in the morning). Which meant that it was just she and I in her house.
We snuggled on her bed for at least a half an hour, talking, nuzzling, kissing just a little, touching each other gently. I'd been thinking to myself earlier about what intimacy means, that it doesn't have to be sex. With those thoughts still in my mind, I was extra conscious not to try to push for anything, but to just enjoy the moment for what it was, a lovely little bubble of intimacy, physical and emotional and mental.
She reiterated how happy last night had made her, and how good I am at making her happy (if you know me at all at this point, you know I enjoyed hearing that very much). We talked more on the drive up, about our friends and lovers and our lives, about this and that, nothing too huge or deep.
While we were up there, chatting with our friends, the subject of the changes that Gia's gone through with her pregnancy and birth came up. Gia talked about her changing desires, and how our relationship had definitely "taken a hit" because of it (obviously that's true, but it was still oddly difficult to hear her say that).
Our friends, who are both also bi, concurred that their desires have swung back and forth between being more male-focused and more female-focused over the years. One of them asked me if that was true for me too. I said simply that, no, I've always felt very equally interested in men and women, and that that hasn't shifted noticeably in the last fifteen years. There was sort of a pause in the conversation after that, and I felt a bit like the odd one out.
The rest of the visit was very pleasant, Bee was adorable and very happy to see me and vice versa, etcetc. Gia drove back with Eric and Bee, and I did a fairly good job on the ride home in thinking of many things that didn't have to do with her or us.