View Single Post
Old 01-07-2013, 03:19 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,144

I am concerned about the anger/violence out of H. Are you safe? Are you ok? Are you in a domestic violence or abusive situation? You could check the list and see if any behaviors there ring a bell in your situation.

You can't force a triad. It happens or it doesn't. Because among all the other "mini relationships" inside that kind of polyship configuration, there's the duo legs in the triangle of
  • you + K
  • You + H
  • H+K

In the last one? You are nowhere in there. THEY have to sort that out for themselves. You may want a desired outcome, but if it just doesn't fly there, it doesn't fly there. There isn't just you. There's two other people who have to want the same thing for the outcome to be so. You cannot control what THEY want.

If the (H+K) layer is rocky, it's going to be felt everywhere else in your polymath.

(H+K) <---> You (the couple relating to YOU as in the individual and you to them)

(You + K) <----> H

(You + H) <----> K

(You + H + K) and how you work as a team, whether all are lovers and metas, or it's a mix match of friends and lovers and metas in there somehow.

But before even going there to other branches, examine the (H+you) layer one -- that you use the word VIOLENCE to describe relationship interaction is worrisome. You have almost divorced. She's threatened suicide and is bipolar. This doesn't sound totally healthy there. Do the polyshipping realities in communication, time management, emotional management like jealousy -- do these things exacerbate her condition? If so, maybe she shouldn't be in polyship? Could you be happy in a monoship with H?

Let K deal with K willingness.

Let H deal with H willingness.

Focus on YOU.

Perhaps the real decision here is not whether or not you are willing to stay in triad, but...
  • Are You willing to be in a polyship with H?
  • Or are you willing to be in relationship with H at all -- monoship or polyship?

Decide those things for what you want. Then assess that want.

Is what you want in the interest of YOUR best long term healths? Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healths?

Sometimes what we want cannot be had because it is just not healthy for us. So we need to lay that want aside. Choose YOURSELF and your best healths first always. Be ok choosing YOU first. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first. This is not selfishness - it is keeping you healthy.

It's what you want to do with YOUR life so you can be healthy living it. You have every right to choose what you want for yourself. Take care of you.

However it plays out... I hope you are safe.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-07-2013 at 03:39 PM.
Reply With Quote