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Old 01-07-2013, 02:56 PM
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LilacViolin LilacViolin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Dallas
Posts: 37
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Baby in my arms so I am a one-handed typer. Please excuse typos.

For me, the core of intimacy is the willingness to allow someone to see the true me, even if that does not happen. For example, there is an intimacy with my children - they do not know everything about me but, if it was needed, I would happily share and be completely vulnerable. There are others with whom I feel this closeness: close friends, my siblings, my partner, and sometimes I feel it with strangers. It is not oversharing or purposefully being vulnerable, rather, it is the willingness. Even further, for me it is the not the feeling that I must say "yes" to the intimacy, but the knowledge that I would not say "no" if a person entered into that vulnerability with me. My emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual walls are down, as it were.

That translates into sex and, if I have shared intimacy through sex with a person for a while, it is difficult to transition when that sex no longer is available. But that difficulty during transition is present in all sorts of relationships: not being able to talk to a friend every day, no longer co-sleeping with your child, a work/school project ending.

Intimacy is dicey, it means something different for each person. I imagine most of us have been with someone who had a different understanding of intimacy. Feelings are hurt and relationships change. It is good (for me, anyhow) to reconsider how I feel about intimacy.
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Me (Lilac) - pan, queer woman, spouse to Programmer
Programmer - Spouse of Lilac, bisexual man
Not currently in relationships with others.
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