Thread: "The Code"
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:01 AM
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Kommander Kommander is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Detroit
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Originally Posted by Velvet View Post
The "code" as you call it, is something that has bothered me my whole life. To myself, in my head, I always wondered how everyone else knew what the rules were and why doing or saying anything else was meet with such repulsion.
This touches on one of the bigger problems with "The Code," and its very nature. Everyone has their own version of "The Code," but many think their version is the "correct" version and universal. This allows people who feel wronged to change a disagreement into a more serious violation of rules. It's essentially a variation of an appeal to common sense. And, just like an appeal to common sense, is an artifact of or even a justification for poor communication.

One of the problems I've personally had with "The Code" is certain people being off-limits for romantic involvement. I remember on Rescue Me Dennis Leary listed that a friend's girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, and half-sister are off-limits. Some people I know are even more restrictive. A former friend of mine insisted that I needed his approval before dating any woman that both of us knew, and eventually started acting like it was up to him if I was allowed to date anyone. (It turns out he's secretly in love with me and was getting possessive, which is why he's no longer my friend.)

Current girlfriend or wife, yeah, I need permission, whether it's a friend or not. Anyone else, as long as we're consenting adults no one else has a say. I'd prefer if said friend approved, but I ask as a courtesy, not for permission.

On New Year's Eve I was at a friend's party, where I met his (soon to be) sister-in-law. Her and I hit it off and we're planning on going on our first date later this week. Luckily my friend and his fiancee are cool with it. Before talking to them, I was a little worried. I also know of a few people that wouldn't approve even though it has nothing to do with them whatsoever.

Had either of them not been okay with it: Her and I started talking, and kept talking. Eventually we realised it was 8am and everyone had gone to sleep or left hours before. We decided we were tired so we crawled into bed, cuddled for a bit, fell asleep, woke up with my arms around her and holding her hand. Got up, talked to my friend for a bit, went to check on her, crawled back in bed for more talking and cuddling. Both of got up, sat in the kitchen and talked some more, and then parted ways at 9ish after lots of hugging. I've never experienced that kind of connection with someone. If anyone doesn't like it they can kiss my ass.
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