No, it's not the norm for this forum for newcomers to be put on the spot. That said, it can be a, well, vigorous forum at times, and it's hard to predict where/when that will happen. If you stay with the forum, you'll find that it's usually pretty easy-going.
It sounds like your wife has traveled quite a journey to get to where she is now, compared to the beginning where she "maintained that the lady in question was breaking her vows with her husband, despite all three of us being completely honest and on the same page with everything." It's encouraging that she has opened her mind in that way.
There is a lot of valuable material on this site, and a lot of good opportunities to dialog with other members and get feedback. I would encourage you to take advantage of that, even though I'd understand/respect your decision if you decided not to. You can even message me privately if you're uncomfortable interacting with the group.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"