Thanks a lot!
Hyena and GalaGirl you got me focused on that I need to talk more about how to do this with those I love.
and a response to Hyena:
The relationships I have tend to last. Maybe they change form, going from lover to friends or opposite. Leaving aint my thing (if the relationship isnt destructive offcause or the other person just leavs without any alternatives).
(You can skip this part - only details
So many (sexual) relationships last long, Im not so old, so long maybe seem short to a older person? One is going for the tird year and we are both nonmon. so it works beautiful and i wouldnt skip that for anything. One is a person that I have known for verry long and shifted between lover/friend some times. Also importent. Kind of ambivalent to poly/mono I think. I definitly should talk to this person about it. And now I just met someone how never thought of that you can be something else than mono. But is ready to have a relationship anyway. I definitly need to talk to this person as well, but its harder when you hardly know one. And also there are a bunch of friends in the greyzone between friend/lover that also means a lot to me)
I think I have this romantic picture of that every person and relationship should be unique and not possible to arrange in any hierarchy. But what i relly feel dosent fit with that ideology and it makes me feel like a scumbag. Why do I always, automaticly, make this priority-lists in my head? You say that I should sort and label relationships, if i got you right? Maybe thats better then lying a little bit to oneself.
Respond to GalaGirl:
Yeah, you are right that i have full responsibility for my feelings and how i handle them. But this questions of the psycological resons for my actions and feelings always bugging me. Maybe its good to always be a bit aware of whats happening inside and question oneself? Asking it here is more of: "do you recognise this feeling of unsureness and how do you think and work around that?"
What I ment in the really-bad-english part was:
Two things at the same time, can explain the confusing result:
To avoid makeing people feel excluded I useually not choose in a choosing situation (like to partners at the same place, same time)
Also I dont give long description (as the one above) about exactly witch relationships and with whom I have. It worked so far, but im a little bit uneasy with what would happend if another partner came around the corner just as i was kissing with somebody else. Or just walking hand in hand. This worry tells me I should talk more to my partners about my other relationships. But my own feelings: I wanna know that other relationships exists but not anything about them - tells me not to talk to much.
But as you both so wisely say: I should ask my partners of what they wanna know.
This forum is great. A lot of people that understanding the troubbles and joy of alternative relationships! Here its not so common. Thanks for beeing!