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Old 01-06-2013, 08:19 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
maybe the question is: how much room does a hart have. how many full-time relationships can it handle?
You can love as many as you want from a distance. Love can be infinite.

What you can have here on Earth in practical life terms? Everyone has a different polysaturation point. How many full time relationships you can handle and the quality of those relationships is affected by your human and non-human resources:
  • The free time you have available to date and be in relationship to sustain them and meet your partners needs and your own needs in relationship. (vs the time you spend on work, chores, etc)
  • The money you have to date and be in relationships and the relationship goals (dating, sharing a household, travel together, etc)
  • The skills you have to date to FIND relationship and the skills to BE in relationship once found
  • What kind of relationships you are after vs what your partners want. Some people want to travel, some want kids, some want something else. Some want many partners in a more time casual way, some want fewer partners in a more time intensive way. Everyone has their own wants, needs, and limits. Their own hopes and dreams for their life.

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And why do i engage with more people even thou I already feel that my love life has gone out of proportions?
That only YOU can answer. You control your own behavior.

If you have too many relationships right now to sustain and feel overwhelmed, it is YOU not meeting your own need to NOT be overwhelmed by the demands of meeting all these relationship needs. You spread yourself too thin. You could choose to stop doing that and accept your own polysaturation point as a personal limitation.

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or maybe I am just scared it will end badly somehow. I feel that i try to put breaks on some feelings because i dont want to make anybody or myself disapointed. maybe its morals from the monogamus socity that screams somewhere inside my head?
  • Just because you feel things for someone doesn't mean you have to act and pursue a romance with that person.
  • Just because you have the desire/capability to love more than one doesn't mean you have to be in a romance with everyone either.

YOU manage your time management and emotional management things. You have your personal polysaturation point as a limit. If you spread yourself too thin, you could choose stop it, accept your personal limitations, and choose to be in less polyships so it is more manageable for you.


Quote:
how much do you tell your partners about other relationships? For me its best just to know that they exists and that everybody keep in mind that VD also exsists.
So long as you and your partners are in agreement with that system, then it is good enough for you and your partners. But you actually have to ASK your partners if they agree to that system. Not do it without consulting them.

For myself, I prefer to just lay it all out on the table straight up:
  • This is what I want in a romance. This is what I'm willing to give you.
  • What do YOU want? What are you willing to give me?
  • How do we agree to be together in a romance?
  • What rights and responsibilities will we hold up in this relationship so we can be together in RIGHT relationship with everyone's wants, needs, and limits respected?

Don't line up? Don't date. It is not compatible. Just be friends.

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So I just say that im nonmonogamus, then you dont touch the others fear.
Then everything is fine. But what if we just bump into eachother one sunny day? I use to not chose anybody if more then one lover are present, I rather go home alone then hurt anybody.
I don't know what that means, I'm sorry. Could you rephrase that again? The English there is hard for me to understand.

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It has worked so far, but now i also have relationships with people that say like: ok, i like you and want to be with you, i tolerate that youare nonmonogamus but i wish you were not. - they dont share my view on relationships or lovelife, but are extremly open minded.
Fair enough. They tell you that they are willing to date you even though they are monoamorous and have the ability/desire to only love one person at a time. They know that you are not monoamorous but polyamorous and have the desire/capability to love more than one.

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I guess i accept they are mono, but rather liked them not to be
If you prefer your dating partners were polyamorous, do not date monoamorous people. Pretty simple.

Otherwise accept that your partners are how they are and date them how they are. They accept you, right?

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-06-2013 at 08:29 AM.
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