No one was really putting you on the defensive. Frequently, new members post an intro and older members will ask for clarification, such as genders, orientation, the why's and wherefore's of certain things posted, and other specifics, just so we can have a better picture of who you are - it doesn't mean necessarily that anyone was judging, but that there was something either unclear of confusing. Details help us offer better feedback for your situation. That's all.
Additionally, the "we" issue mentioned was not a question about your relationship and your solidarity with your partner - it was more a practical thing regarding posting on the forum. Just know that it gets super confusing for readers to understand who is doing the "talking" when people come here and use "we," or do not identify who is who. It is generally not good etiquette here to create one account to represent a couple or more than one person. That is why someone usually brings it up. If your wife has no interest in joining and posting herself, please just make sure you speak in your voice and let us know specifically when it is a communication from her or from both of you. It just helps to make things clear that way.
This is from the User Guidelines:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
We expect that each account represent but a single person. We understand that couples may wish to embark on a poly journey as a unit and thus want to share an account. That can make for some awkward discussions as the person posting under a username changes from post to post. We have some accounts that have been used by a couple--and those folks may continue to use those accounts as long as they make it clear which person is posting--though we want all accounts to be used by a single person.