You have been through a lot. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for your loss too -- miscarriage is hard.
But tell them the truth. Do not do lies of omission. Do not leave your partners in the dark. Do not be less than honest to your loved ones. If they do not meet your needs at this time, walk away. You deserve good treatment, not poor treatment.
All relationships come with a clock attached. We just hope that most are "til death do us part." Whether it is friends, family, romances, etc. In reality -- sometimes they end or tone down in volume because of school or work transfers or growing apart or something else. It is not the end of the world and some relationships pick back up later down the road. Some do not, but some do.
Being afraid of that reality is not helping you be your best, healthiest self you could be. You could take better care of you.
In romance, there is no "right one" out there for you. There are MANY right ones. They don't all come at the right time, and they don't all last a life time. Life is a Journey that unfolds as you live it. You will be ok in your journey.
Do not stay in "messy" though because you have nowhere else to go and it is habit and you are scared. You deny yourself your own future happiness from your own fear. Feel the fear, but then move it forward anyway to give yourself HOPE and reach out toward your future happiness.
Is this "nowhere else to go at all" or "nowhere I am willing to go." Where are your parents/family people? Could they aid you? Can you check in to a women's shelter and sign up for counseling to help you get back on your feet? Could you call your old school guidance counselor for guidance toward resources in your town? Maybe other people can help you brainstorm here what you could do.
You are not the first person to need help, and you will not be the last. There is no shame in that. But it would be a shame if you did not take care of you. You don't sound like a bad person -- just struggling under heavy burden.
Remember that you have worth, dignity, and value even in hard times. Be kind to yourself and try to get yourself the aid you need so you can let yourself shine bright again. It may seem like you are lost and alone in the dark. It feels that way when your inner light is dim.
But I see you.
I see you.
I see you.
Your light is not unseen.
Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-06-2013 at 07:17 AM.