Originally Posted by BlueDragonfly
I am just not sure where to go from here.... either way someone gets hurt.. where is their a happy medium? Is there? Or is one of us going to be secretly miserable...
Just looking at that one paragraph summed it up for me - this is how I feel as well. I'm married to Aquarius and my revelation (10 months ago) that I was poly was met with more communication then yours, but no less pain. For now, she's the one that's trying to her head around all this.
Really what I feel is guilt that I'm putting her through this. I should have known this about myself before getting married.
But that's not
your fault, there is no one to blame here. Some of us don't fully understand ourselves until later in life. And when we do, it should be a wonderful discovery! But it's not. It's cause for shame, self doubt and guilt. That's not his fault for making you feel that way. We do that to ourselves.
But if you choose to be the miserable one, then I think you are suppressing your identity - and that's going to be unbearable after a while. If you don't want to be miserable, then continue revealing your thoughts and feelings to him, every day if necessary, because you're not asking him to suppress his identity, you're asking him to deal with some serious relationship issues, with the messiness of a long term relationship. You're asking him to be a bigger person.
The only thing in the above that you can't control is his reaction. But just like you changed over time, he may also find new depths in his own character given enough time and accept you for who you have become.