I know someone who sustained this kind of life for a couple of years until the guilt became too much and he made a rash decision that meant he lost everything including the woman he had an affair with.
I'm glad to hear you at least have decided to not be physical with her... but it still doesn't take away the fact that you were and that you are continuing to cheat by the fact that you are telling her you love her behind your wife's back.
It's great you found poly, it really is, it's the fact that you are trying to justify your cheating by using poly and that you are looking for an easy way out that is uncomfortable for me.
Sure I know it's human to find an easy way out, but the longer you stay in this with her the more damage you are doing and the bigger challenge in the end. It won't be even close to an easy way out it you continue to see her.
I really think that you are going to have to feel like your soul is ripped out and let her go before getting back on track. You need to be focusing on your family in my opinion and you don't seem to be thinking of them at all, only yourself...
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